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How can I rebuild emotional trust after I have shouted or lost my temper?

Parenting Perspective

Every parent has their moments of rage, but what occurs after is more important. The first step in restoring trust is accepting responsibility. Identify the incident, sit down with your child, and offer a heartfelt apology: ’I shouted, and that must have felt scary. I sincerely apologise.’ Do not defend or blame the child for your response. Repair also entails behaviour modification. Develop better coping mechanisms, identify your triggers, and work with your child to restore a sense of security. As a child observes you reflecting and trying again, they eventually learn that connections become stronger by repair rather than damaged by mistakes.

Spiritual Insight

Islam encourages us to practice mercy, humility, and introspection even when we are angry. The noble Quran encourages restraint and forgiveness, which begins with our own families. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: ‘Those (the believers are the ones) … they suppress their anger and are forgiving to people, and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’
It is not a weakness to ask a child for forgiveness; rather, it is humility-based power. It serves as an example of mercy and Tawbah (repentance). Children need parents who are prepared to accept and grow with their own imperfections, not parents who are flawless.

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