How can I praise the peacemaker without making them the permanent fixer? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child frequently acts as a peacemaker, it is a sign of empathy and maturity. However, it is important to praise this quality without turning it into a permanent and burdensome role. 

Acknowledge Actions, Not Roles 

If parents consistently label a child as the ‘fixer,’ it can create an unhealthy dynamic where the child feels responsible for everyone’s harmony. Instead of assigning a title, praise their specific actions. For example, saying, ‘I appreciate how you used kind words to calm things down,’ is more effective than, ‘You are always the one who fixes things.’ This approach acknowledges their positive effort without cementing it into a lifelong duty. 

Promote Shared Responsibility 

It is vital to teach all your children that maintaining peace is a shared value, not the job of one person. Actively invite every sibling to participate in solving conflicts, even in small ways. You might say, ‘I liked how your sister tried to listen,’ or, ‘Thank you both for finding a solution together.’ This ensures that the skill of conflict resolution is developed by all and encourages a healthier, more balanced family dynamic. 

Teach Balance and Self-Care 

Help your natural peacemaker understand that it is also wise and necessary to step back sometimes. Emphasise that caring for oneself is a crucial part of being able to care for others. By modelling this balance, you reassure them that while their ability to make peace is admirable, it should never come at the expense of their own comfort, well-being, or joy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours peacemaking as a noble act, but it also teaches that responsibility must be shared fairly across a community, including the family unit. 

Peace as a Communal Responsibility 

Children should not feel weighed down by roles that belong to the family collectively. Encouraging everyone to practise fairness and kindness creates the balance needed to prevent one child from carrying an undue emotional load. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse beautifully highlights the virtue of reconciliation but frames it as a communal responsibility (‘make settlement’), not the specialised task of a single individual. 

Good Character as a Collective Goal 

The pursuit of excellent character is an obligation for every believer, not just those who are naturally inclined towards it. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character.’ 

This Hadith reminds us that developing good character is a universal goal. Therefore, praising one child for their peacemaking skills should be balanced with actively guiding all siblings to cultivate the same noble traits. By praising specific actions while encouraging shared responsibility, you honour your child’s effort without imposing an unfair burden. This approach helps them grow with kindness and strength, while teaching every child that maintaining peace is a collective duty valued by Allah Almighty.