Parenting Perspective 

When a child is struggling with difficult behaviour, offering praise can feel unnatural. Yet, noticing even the smallest positive steps during these tense moments can shift the atmosphere and reduce escalation. The key is to look for moments of self-control, effort, or recovery, and to highlight them calmly, without ignoring the need for the boundary to be upheld. 

Catch Effort, Not Just Results 

If your child is in the middle of a tantrum and begins to take deep breaths to calm down, you can acknowledge that specific action. A simple comment like, ‘I can see you are taking deep breaths to calm your body. That is a good choice,’ can be very effective. This affirms their attempt to self-regulate, even if the overall behaviour has not yet been fully corrected. 

Keep Praise Brief and Calm 

Avoid offering elaborate or over-the-top praise during tense situations, as this can feel insincere or jarring. Instead, use short, specific, and calm words of recognition. A quiet, ‘Thank you for lowering your voice,’ or ‘I appreciate you trying that again,’ helps to ground them and reinforce the positive step without adding pressure. 

Pair Praise With Gentle Guidance 

It is important to balance your encouragement with clear direction. For example: ‘You have stopped throwing the toy, and that was a very good choice. Now, let us put it back where it belongs.’ This approach shows that while their positive effort is seen and valued, the original misbehaviour is not being ignored and the boundary remains firm. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that every small, good deed holds immense value, and that recognising these small steps can encourage further growth. Parents who highlight their child’s progress, no matter how minor, are mirroring this divine principle of nurturing hope over despair. 

Encouraging Hope and Mercy 

The Quran teaches us that even after a person has transgressed, they should never despair of Allah’s mercy. This principle encourages parents to see the potential for positive change in their child, even in difficult moments. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verses 53: 

‘ Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.‘ 

The Value of Consistent, Small Deeds 

The prophetic tradition reminds us that steady, small improvements and consistent good deeds are of great value and are beloved to Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6491, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are done consistently, even if they are few.’ 

By praising your child’s small steps during challenging moments, you embody the Islamic balance of mercy and firmness. Your child learns that while boundaries are important, every effort they make towards goodness is noticed and valued, which helps to build their resilience, self-control, and hope.