How can I praise one child without the other feeling left out? 

Parenting Perspective 

Praising one child without discouraging another requires a thoughtful approach, as children are naturally quick to notice and compare. The key is to handle these moments with a sense of fairness and balance, ensuring that recognition for one does not feel like a loss for the other. 

Praise the Action, Not the Trait 

To avoid creating unintended comparisons, it is best to frame your praise around a specific action rather than a broad, defining trait. For instance, instead of saying, ‘You are the smart one’, a more helpful approach is, ‘I really loved how you kept trying with that difficult puzzle’. This method highlights effort, not a fixed identity, and leaves space for your other children to feel that their own efforts are equally valued. 

Create Individual Moments of Recognition 

Make a conscious effort to notice each child’s unique strengths and find moments to praise them individually. If one child finishes their homework early, you can praise their diligence. Later, when the other child helps to set the table, you can show them equal appreciation for their contribution. By spreading recognition across different contexts and for different reasons, you build an environment where every child feels seen and cherished for who they are. 

Use Inclusive, Team-Oriented Language 

Whenever the opportunity arises, use words that acknowledge and celebrate teamwork. For example, you might say, ‘I am so proud of how both of you helped in your own ways today’. This approach shows that praise is not a competition, but a recognition of each person’s unique contribution to the family. Over time, your children will learn that a sibling being praised does not diminish their own worth; it simply means everyone has different moments to shine. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a powerful emphasis on justice and fairness within the family, especially between siblings. This principle should guide not only our material provisions but also our words of encouragement. 

The Quranic Emphasis on Inner Worth 

Our faith reminds us that a person’s true value is based on their piety and character, not on worldly comparisons. This is a vital lesson to impart to children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This verse teaches a profound lesson: every child’s effort towards goodness is precious in the sight of Allah Almighty, entirely independent of a sibling’s achievements. 

The Prophetic Example of Fairness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated that fairness must be shown in all forms of treatment to prevent feelings of jealousy or neglect among children. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just among your children in giving gifts, as you would like them to be just with you in kindness and respect.’ 

While this Hadith speaks of gifts, its principle extends beautifully to emotional recognition, including praise. By applying this standard of justice, you give each child a sense of dignity without making the other feel overlooked. This creates an atmosphere of fairness and love, teaching your children that just as Allah Almighty is just, parents must strive to reflect that justice in every word and gesture.