Parenting Perspective 

When children use good manners, such as saying please, thank you, or showing respect at the table, it is natural for parents to want to praise them. But if that praise sparks competition (“I said thank you first!”) or boasting (“I have better manners than my sister”), the focus shifts from sincere behaviour to rivalry. The aim is to give praise that encourages children to repeat manners as natural habits, not as a way to win attention. 

Praise the Behaviour, Not the Person 

Say, “That was kind when you waited your turn,” instead of “You are the politest child.” This keeps the focus on the action itself. 

Link Praise to Impact 

Help children see the value of their manners: “When you said thank you, it made Grandma smile.” Connecting actions to real outcomes encourages repetition because they understand the benefit. 

Keep Praise Private or Low-Key 

Avoid praising one child loudly in front of others, which can spark competition. A quiet word or smile is often more powerful than public attention. 

Reinforce Effort Over Comparison 

If siblings are present, avoid ranking. Use inclusive phrases such as, “I love how everyone remembered to say Bismillah before eating.” This creates unity instead of rivalry. 

With consistent, thoughtful language, children learn that manners are about respect and kindness, not about outperforming each other. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that good manners (akhlaq) are among the highest forms of worship, and they are to be practised sincerely for Allah Almighty’s sake, not for showing off. Parents have a responsibility to connect children’s manners to sincerity, humility, and reward with Allah Almighty. 

Guidance from the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qalam (68), Verses 4: 

‘And indeed, you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) innately possess characteristics that are the greatest (example).’ 

This reminds us that true character is measured by sincerity and consistency, not by competing for recognition. 

Teaching from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2003, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is nothing heavier on the scales of a believer on the Day of Judgement than good character.’ 

This teaches us that manners carry eternal weight and value with Allah Almighty, far beyond human praise or competition. 

By praising manners in a way that highlights their meaning and benefit, you help your child repeat them with sincerity. They grow to see good character as part of faith, not as a race for attention, and learn that kindness is a blessing for both giver and receiver.