Parenting Perspective 

When including a repair action in an apology, it is essential to ensure it does not sound like a transaction where you expect something in return. An apology is not about bargaining; it is about acknowledging your mistake, showing genuine remorse, and taking concrete steps to do better. The action should feel like a natural commitment to improving the relationship and demonstrating care, not simply a way to compensate for the harm caused. 

Focus on Sincere Commitment 

The key is to frame the repair action as part of your ongoing commitment to improving your behaviour. It should reflect a deeper intention to create positive, lasting change. 

You could say: ‘I am sorry for raising my voice. I will work on staying calm and taking a deep breath next time, so you do not feel upset.’ 

This phrasing connects the action to your sincere promise to grow and handle future situations better, rather than just trying to make up for a past mistake. 

Avoid Creating Expectations 

While offering a repair action, it is important not to expect anything in return, such as immediate forgiveness. Your words should express a genuine desire to mend the emotional bond, not to fulfil an obligation. 

You might say: ‘I am truly sorry for how I acted. I will make a better effort to listen to you calmly and understand your feelings next time.’ 

This approach expresses that you care enough to change your behaviour, without suggesting that your child’s forgiveness is something you expect in return. 

Frame the Action as Growth 

A repair action should be presented as an opportunity for your own growth, not as compensation for your mistake. This shows that you are focused on improving the relationship out of care, rather than trying to balance the scales. 

You can say: ‘I regret that I raised my voice. I want to be better for you, and I will work on controlling my reactions next time.’ 

This frames the repair as part of your personal growth, showing that the apology is heartfelt and not motivated by a need to fix something in exchange for forgiveness. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, apologies and subsequent actions should come from a place of sincerity, humility, and a true desire for positive change. Any action taken should reflect genuine remorse and an intention to improve, not an expectation of a reward. 

Sincere Effort is What Matters 

The noble Quran reminds us that while we all make mistakes, Allah Almighty does not expect us to do anything beyond our capacity to make things right. Our efforts to improve should come from a place of sincerity, not a sense of transactional obligation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse encourages us that our sincere intention and effort to improve are what truly matter in the sight of Allah. 

True Repentance Comes from Within 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encourage us to act with sincere repentance, showing that real change comes from an internal commitment, not from seeking external validation. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4998, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever repents sincerely, Allah will forgive them and replace their bad deeds with good.’ 

This hadith reminds us that offering a repair action without expecting something in return reflects the spirit of true repentance and is a sign of genuine personal growth.