Parenting Perspective 

Tech-savvy tweens often feel they know more about devices and online culture than their parents do. This can lead them to see household rules as ‘unfair’ if they believe they understand the risks better. The goal is not to get into a fight for control, but to negotiate calmly, showing that while their knowledge is respected, parents are still responsible for setting boundaries for their safety and wellbeing. 

Involve Them in the Conversation 

Ask your tween what they believe are fair limits and why. It is important to listen carefully to their perspective before you share your own. For example: ‘I hear that you would like more time for gaming, but we also need to make sure it is balanced with your homework and our family time.’ Involving them in the process helps to create a sense of ownership over the rules and often reduces their resistance. 

Set Non-Negotiables and Flexibles 

Be clear with your tween about which rules are fixed and which have some room for discussion. For instance, rules about not having devices in the bedroom at night or not creating secret accounts are likely to be non-negotiable. However, the exact number of hours they can use devices at the weekend might be a flexible point. This shows your tween that you respect their growing independence while still holding firm to core boundaries. 

Use Technology to Support Limits 

Since tweens are comfortable with technology, it can be helpful to use tools they understand, such as timers, parental control applications, or shared family calendars. When a rule is enforced by an impartial system rather than by your constant verbal reminders, it feels less like nagging and more like a fair and predictable structure. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on the principle of consultation (shura) and fairness, even within family matters. As children mature, giving them a voice in decisions while still maintaining parental guidance is an approach that reflects both wisdom and justice. 

The Principle of Mutual Consultation 

The Quran praises the community of believers whose affairs are determined by mutual consultation. This principle can be beautifully applied within the family to foster respect and cooperation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 38: 

‘ And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.‘ 

The Ultimate Responsibility of the Shepherd 

The prophetic tradition reminds us that while children should be given space to voice their opinions, the ultimate responsibility for setting protective and guiding limits remains with the parents. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you will be asked about his flock’ 

By negotiating screen time rules with fairness, you are modelling respect and balance. Your tween learns that their voice matters, but also that family rules are rooted in care, trust, and accountability, which are principles that reflect both good parenting and Islamic guidance.