How can I narrate my own restraint (‘I’ll check that later’) so my child understands that impulse control is intentional? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn self-control most effectively when they see and hear it modelled in their everyday lives. By making your thought process audible, you transform a simple act of restraint into a powerful, teachable moment. 

Make the Thought Process Audible 

When a notification arrives on your phone, resist the urge to check it immediately. Instead, you can say aloud, ‘That is a message, but I will check it later because I am busy right now.’ This simple act clarifies that you are making a conscious choice not to react instantly. 

Link the Choice to a Value 

Connect your decision to a reason that is meaningful to your child. For example, you could say, ‘I will read that later because I want to finish our conversation first,’ or ‘I am not checking my phone now so I can give you my full attention.’ This helps them understand that restraint is about prioritising what is truly important. 

Follow Through Consistently 

If you say you will check a message later, ensure you do so at a more appropriate time. This consistency demonstrates that delayed gratification is not the same as denial; it is simply waiting for the right moment. This builds trust and shows that your words have meaning. 

Reinforce Their Observations 

If your child notices and comments on your restraint, acknowledge and affirm it. You could reply, ‘Yes, I chose to wait. It helps me to stay focused on what we are doing.’ This reinforces the behaviour and makes it something they can feel proud of noticing, encouraging them to practise it too. 

By intentionally narrating your restraint, you turn impulse control from an abstract concept into a visible, practical skill that your child can understand and imitate. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition teaches the great value of deliberation and self-control, encouraging us to pause and choose our actions wisely rather than reacting impulsively. This principle applies just as much to our digital communication as it does to our speech. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘ And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) to infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This reminds us that thoughtful and measured responses, which often require a pause, are essential for avoiding harm and strengthening our relationships. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 910, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Calmness and careful deliberation are from Allah, and haste is from Shaytaan.’ 

This teaches us that taking a moment to think before we act or respond is a quality blessed by Allah, protecting us from the mistakes that come with haste. 

By modelling and narrating your own intentional restraint, you not only help your child see the power of patience but also root this important lesson in a value system that honours wisdom, respect, and thoughtful living.