Parenting Perspective 

Children learn what ‘good manners’ look like by observing their parents. If manners are demonstrated in a stiff, mechanical way, children may see them as a burden rather than as a natural expression of warmth. The best approach is to model courtesy with genuine kindness, so that good manners feel sincere and heartfelt, not forced or robotic. 

Show Warmth Alongside Respect 

When you greet an elder, do not just say the words formally; add a sincere smile, soften your tone, and show warmth in your body language. Similarly, if you need to correct your child’s manners, do so with kindness by saying, ‘Let’s try saying that again a little more politely,’ rather than scolding them. This balance teaches them that good manners are about genuine care, not about achieving perfection. 

Use Manners Consistently in Daily Life 

Model courteous behaviour even in the smallest of interactions, such as thanking a shopkeeper, speaking gently to family members, or apologising if you interrupt someone. Children notice when you consistently use respectful language in casual settings, and they learn that good manners are for all situations, not just formal gatherings. 

Allow for Flexibility and Personality 

Demonstrate that having good manners does not mean being stiff or suppressing one’s personality. You can still laugh, joke, and be relaxed while remaining respectful of those around you. This helps your child to see that adab is not about becoming someone else, but about allowing kindness and consideration to guide their natural behaviour. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam directly links good manners to good character, reminding believers that adab should be a genuine expression from the heart, not an empty formality. 

The Power of Leniency and Warmth 

The Quran highlights the character of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to teach us that a gentle and merciful approach is what attracts people’s hearts, whereas coldness and rigidity push them away. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

The Path to Being Beloved 

The prophetic tradition teaches that the best manners are not those that are the most formal, but those that are the sincerest and kind, as these are the ones most beloved to the Prophet ﷺ. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3559, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of you to me are those who have the best manners.’ 

By embodying respect with gentleness and warmth, you show your child that adab is not just about rules, but about compassion. They will learn that true manners are an expression of love, humility, and faith in their everyday lives.