How can I help siblings stay kind even during arguments? 

Parenting Perspective 

Arguments between siblings are a natural part of family life, but if they are left unchecked, they can easily slide into hurtful words, shouting, or even physical conflict. The goal is not to eliminate disagreements entirely, but to guide your children towards handling them with kindness and respect. This approach builds lifelong skills of conflict resolution and strengthens their bond rather than weakening it. 

Set Ground Rules for Disagreements 

Make it clear to your children that while disagreements are allowed, certain behaviours like insults, shouting, or hitting are never acceptable. You can say, ‘In our family, you can disagree with each other, but you must still speak kindly and keep your hands to yourselves.’ These ground rules provide clear boundaries that protect everyone’s dignity during a dispute. 

Teach the ‘Pause and Reset’ Tool 

Encourage your children to recognise when their tempers are rising and to take a pause. You can model simple phrases for them to use, such as, ‘I am feeling too angry right now,’ or ‘Let’s talk about this later.’ This important tool helps children to step back from a conflict before hurtful behaviour begins. 

Guide Them Toward Solutions 

Instead of always stepping in to decide who is right or wrong, try to guide your children towards finding their own solutions. You can ask, ‘How can we solve this problem in a way that works for both of you?’ Teaching them the skills of problem-solving shifts the focus from blame to cooperation and compromise. 

Praise Kindness in Conflict 

When you notice your children managing to resolve an argument respectfully, be sure to praise their effort. A simple comment like, ‘I really liked how you listened to your brother’s point of view without shouting,’ reinforces the idea that kindness in a conflict is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great emphasis on maintaining the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood, discouraging harshness and encouraging forgiveness. The relationship between siblings is a lifelong trust (amanah), and nurturing kindness in their disagreements is a vital part of fulfilling this responsibility. 

The Duty of Reconciliation 

The Quran reminds us that preserving peace and showing mercy among fellow believers is a fundamental act of faith, a principle that applies most powerfully within the family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

The Believers as a Single Body 

The prophetic tradition uses a powerful metaphor to teach us that the harm done to one member of the community is felt by all. This is especially true of a family, where kindness must guide all interactions. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2586, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of the believers in their mutual love, mercy, and compassion is like that of a body; when any part of it aches, the whole body responds with wakefulness and fever.’ 

By guiding siblings to remain kind during their disagreements, you are nurturing the core Islamic values of mercy, compassion, and unity. Your children learn that while differences will always arise, the bond of kindness must never be lost.