Parenting Perspective 

Give Them Words for Their Feelings 

When a new baby arrives, it is common for an older child to feel jealous, left out, or even angry. Many children do not know how to say, ‘I feel sad that Mummy does not have as much time for me.’ Instead, they may misbehave, sulk, or act out. Your role is to help them feel seen and to give them the words to express their internal experience. Spend a few quiet moments each day checking in with your eldest, even if it is just ten minutes of undivided attention. You might say, ‘It is okay to feel a bit upset or left out sometimes. I love you just the same.’ This reassurance helps your child feel safe enough to speak honestly. 

Use Stories and Role-Play 

Use simple stories or role-play with dolls to talk about feelings of jealousy. You can say, ‘Sometimes big brothers feel sad when Mummy holds the baby a lot. What could we do when you feel that way?’ Give them ideas for what to say, like, ‘Mummy, can I have a cuddle too?’ If your child says unkind things about the baby, try not to scold them harshly. Stay calm and help them find better words. Praise any small effort they make to speak up kindly. Involve your eldest child in caring for the baby with small, safe tasks so they feel included, but do not force it. Remind them often that your love has not shrunk but has grown to hold both of them. These simple steps turn jealousy into an opportunity to grow in trust and connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the pure emotions that children feel and guides parents to respond with patience and mercy. Jealousy is a natural feeling, but it must be handled in a way that brings hearts closer, not further apart. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained in your heart, they would have dispersed from around you… ‘

This reminds us that softness binds hearts together. When you treat your eldest child’s feelings with care, you build that bridge of trust. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.‘

If jealousy is met with harshness, it only grows in secret. When it is met with calm listening, it softens into understanding. Encourage your child to make a simple Dua if they feel sad or jealous. They might say, ‘Ya Allah, help me feel happy and loved.’ Over time, they will learn that feelings do not have to be hidden or punished but can be shared honestly with you and entrusted to Allah Almighty, who understands every emotion in their little heart.