How can I help my child talk about being scared to join in? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is Brave to Speak About Fear 

Many children feel nervous about joining in with others, whether it is a game, a new club, or simply playing in a group. They may worry about being laughed at, making a mistake, or not being liked. If they do not have the words to share this fear, it can turn into excuses or quiet sadness. You can help your child by showing them that it is brave to speak about feeling shy or scared. Use simple language like, ‘Sometimes it feels scary to join in when we do not know if we will be welcome. That is normal, and you can always talk to me about it.’ 

Practise Small Steps Through Role-Play 

Practise what they might say to themselves or to you. For example, ‘I feel nervous to ask if I can play.’ Role-play small steps they can take, such as looking for one friendly face or asking, ‘Can I play with you?’ instead of jumping straight into a game. Remind them that they can watch for a while before joining in. Share your own memories of feeling shy if you can, so they know they are not alone. Praise them for every effort they make to be brave, even if they still feel nervous inside. Over time, they will learn that fear does not have to stop them from trying, and that talking about their worry is the first step to feeling more confident. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that courage is not the absence of fear but the trust that Allah Almighty is with us when we feel weak. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 160: 

‘If you are the recipient of assistance from Allah (Almighty), then no one can prevail over you; and if He (Allah Almighty) forsakes you, then who is it that can assist you after Him…‘

This Ayah reminds us that even in moments of fear or doubt, our strength comes from relying on Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective. ‘

Your gentle encouragement helps your child feel safer to admit they are scared. You can teach them to say a small Dua before trying something new, such as, ‘Ya Allah, give me courage and make it easy for me.’ By helping your child speak openly about their fears, you show them that bravery grows step by step and that Allah Almighty sees every small effort they make to try, even when their heart feels shy. This trust brings calm and hope as they learn to join in with confidence.