Parenting Perspective 

Children may turn to violence when they are feeling overwhelmed and do not have the means to express their strong emotions in a safe way. Young children might hit, throw things, or scream, whereas older children may slam doors, push others, or use hurtful words. This does not automatically indicate a lack of proper upbringing; instead, it shows a deficiency in self-control and the ability to solve problems. 

The initial step is to assist children in recognising that feeling anger is not inherently bad; however, how we choose to express that anger is very important. 

Introducing Safe Expression Tools 

Consider practical options like: 

• Using a stress ball 

• Expressing feelings through drawing 

• Communicating needs with phrases such as ‘I need space’ 

Identify these tools during peaceful times and commend their application when utilised. 

Establishing Safe Emotional Norms 

Parents ought to establish a secure and consistent environment where emotions are recognised without any apprehension. Set family guidelines for emotional safety: 

• ‘We do not hit.’ 

• ‘We have a conversation.’ 

• ‘We take in air.’ 

• ‘We will leave the situation.’ 

Consistency aids children in understanding limits. Demonstrate a peaceful demeanour by using calm language and tone, even when providing corrections. 

Over time, children will adopt these peaceful options as their own. They will understand that it is possible to feel anger without causing harm, which is a valuable lesson that promotes emotional intelligence, secure relationships, and respectful communication. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination. ‘

This verse connects the ability to manage emotions with a strong sense of moral integrity. Helping children learn to express their anger in safe and controlled ways is essential for developing determination and an understanding of their responsibilities to Allah Almighty. Emotional discipline is more than a skill; it is a journey that helps the soul learn to manage its impulses effectively. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. ‘

Share this with older children to help them see strength as inner calm instead of just physical power. For younger children, explain that Allah Almighty observes and rewards those who select kind actions, even in moments of anger. 

A short Dua like ‘O Allah, guide my anger into something good’ can anchor this learning. In this way, children begin to see self-control not as something forced upon them, but as a noble and spiritually rewarding choice.