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How can I handle my child’s tantrums without shouting or losing my temper?

Parenting Perspective

Staying composed during a tantrum is one of the most challenging, yet essential, responsibilities of parenting. When a child feels overwhelmed, they are not thinking logically; instead, their brain is reacting with stress signals. When a parent reacts by shouting, it increases the child’s anxiety and conveys the message that loud responses are appropriate. Remaining calm, stable, and non-threatening conveys a sense of emotional safety. Staying calm does not involve overlooking the behaviour; it means dealing with it when the child is prepared to hear you out.

To keep things in order, parents need to handle their own stress beforehand. It is important to have realistic expectations, take slow breaths, and pause before speaking. These techniques can be very helpful. Establishing boundaries with confidence, yet without anger, teaches children that feelings can be controlled without aggression. This approach helps the adult avoid having to say sorry for overreacting, which maintains the parent’s authority and emotional stability.

Spiritual Insight

The noble Quran offers continual reminders to practice restraint in times of anger or emotional provocation. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 199: ‘(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance. Even when a child’s behaviour seems extreme or irrational, Islamic teachings highlight the importance of responding with compassion and sound judgement. Parenting in this manner is a form of worship, particularly when it is approached with the goal of nurturing rather than controlling.

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated:
‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, he should lie down.’ This is a very useful lesson. Silence should not be viewed as a sign of weakness; rather, it represents a form of strength that is managed and deliberate. By demonstrating this at home, parents not only reduce conflict but also instruct children on the Islamic approach to handling frustration with respect, self-control, and mindfulness of Allah Almighty.

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