How can I handle daily name-calling that restarts after apologies? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child repeatedly resorts to name-calling, saying hurtful words, then apologising, only to do it again the next day, it can feel like an endless cycle of rudeness and remorse. You may begin to wonder whether their apologies mean anything at all. This pattern is not necessarily proof of cruelty or dishonesty; it is a sign that your child has not yet mastered emotional control or empathy. They may feel sorry after the damage has been done, but they lack the ability to pause before they cause it. Your task is to make the link between their words, the consequences of those words, and a sense of care for others more real, so that an apology becomes an act of transformation, not just a repetition. 

Move Beyond the Apology Cycle 

After the next outburst, avoid rushing to accept an apology immediately. Calmly say: 

‘I hear that you are sorry, but what matters most is that you show it by changing what you do next time.’ 

This approach shifts the focus from an expression of emotion to a plan of action. You are teaching your child that remorse must be followed by responsibility, and that words without a change in behaviour can lose their meaning. 

Explain the True Impact of Their Words 

Children often underestimate how powerful their words are. During a calm moment, you can describe their effect clearly. 

‘When you call people names, it does not just hurt their feelings; it also changes how safe people feel when they are around you.’ 

You can encourage empathy by asking them to imagine being on the receiving end of such language. 

‘If someone said that to you every day, how would you feel?’ 

The goal is not to induce guilt, but to foster awareness, as emotional insight often precedes a change in behaviour. 

Link Consequences with an Act of Repair 

When the name-calling happens again, use consequences that help to restore a sense of respect, rather than simply punishing the act. For instance: 

• Pause their screen time until they have written or said something kind to the person they hurt. 

• Ask them to do a helpful act for that sibling or peer. 

The act of repair teaches that words can harm, but that they can also heal. The repetition of a meaningful act of repair helps to build a sense of self accountability. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, our speech carries both weight and consequence. Words can elevate the heart or they can darken it. Repeated name-calling, even when it is meant in jest, can dull our compassion. Guiding a child to use kind language helps to purify both their heart and the home. The path forward lies in teaching them that speech is a sacred trust. 

The Power of Words in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.’ 

This verse reminds us that every word is witnessed and recorded, even those that are spoken in anger or mockery. Teaching your child this truth helps to nurture a sense of mindfulness that words cannot be taken lightly, for they are a reflection of the state of one’s heart. When your child learns that every utterance matters before Allah Almighty, their speech becomes an act of consciousness. 

The Worth of Gentle Speech in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1734, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who taunts, curses, or uses obscene language.’ 

This Hadith defines a believer’s character by the quality of their speech. When you guide your child away from name-calling, you are teaching them what faith looks like in daily life: self control, dignity, and compassion. By linking kindness in our words with the example of the Prophet ﷺ, you can root your discipline in love and faith, not in fear. 

When name-calling keeps returning after an apology, it means that your child’s heart understands remorse but their habits are yet to catch up. Through steady, calm correction and a focus on meaningful repair, you can help to align the two. Spiritually, every time you correct harsh words with gentleness, you mirror the quality of prophetic mercy, transforming an act of discipline into one of tarbiyyah, the nurturing of the soul.