How can I guide them to set their own tech goals without it becoming a power game? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child is involved in creating their own boundaries, they are far more likely to respect them. Guiding them to set their own tech goals is a powerful way to teach self-regulation and avoid power struggles. 

Invite, Do Not Impose 

Start by framing the conversation as a team effort. You could say, ‘Let’s work together to figure out how much screen time feels right, so you still have plenty of time for all the other things you love.’ This approach positions you as a partner, not an enforcer. 

Make Goals Tangible and Positive 

Help them to set goals that focus on what they want to do, not just what they will avoid. A goal like, ‘I want to have two screen-free afternoons a week so I can practise my football skills,’ is far more empowering and positive than ‘I will play games less.’ 

Link to Their Own Interests 

Ask them directly, ‘What other fun things do you wish you had more time for this week?’ Then, you can help them to adjust their tech use to make space for those priorities. This shows them that setting limits is about creating more joy, not less. 

Finally, make sure to review the goals together after a few days. Celebrate their successes and make adjustments if needed, reinforcing the idea that this is an ongoing, collaborative process. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic approach to self-discipline is rooted in the concept of muraqabah, which is the state of being mindfully aware that Allah is always watching. Guiding children to set their own boundaries helps them to develop this internal awareness, rather than just depending on external pressure. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashr (59), Verse 18: 

‘O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow. And fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is aware of what you do…’ 

This reminds us to live with foresight, planning our actions in a way that considers their long-term effects on our well-being and our Hereafter. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who is good at wrestling, but the strong man is the one who controls himself in a fit of rage.’ 

This teaches us that true strength lies in self-control and the ability to manage our own impulses, not in reacting to every desire. 

When children learn to create their own balanced tech goals, they are not just following a house rule; they are practising a lifelong skill of self-discipline that benefits their faith, relationships, and future success.