How can I guide sharing the remote fairly when I’m not there to referee? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings argue over the remote, it is rarely just about the screen; it is about control, voice, and fairness. Learning to share power without a referee teaches them emotional intelligence, compromise, and respect. Instead of trying to supervise every turn, your goal is to help them build an internal sense of justice they can use even when you are not present. Begin by explaining calmly, ‘You are both old enough to sort this out fairly. I trust you to take turns the way we have agreed.’ 

Setting Clear, Predictable Rules 

Agree on a simple system together that everyone understands. 

• Time-Sharing: Each child gets a set number of minutes or one episode before it is time to switch. 

• Rotation: They can alternate days or choose which shows to watch in a rotation. 

• A Tie-Breaker Plan: If they cannot agree, the remote is put away, and no one watches until a compromise is reached. 

Make this system visible by writing it on a chart or a sticky note on the wall. The goal is to shift the authority from you to the rule itself, so any argument is with the system, not with the sibling. 

Coaching Fair Use Before You Leave 

Before leaving your children alone, you can rehearse a few respectful phrases with them. 

• ‘Can I have my turn now, please?’ 

• ‘Let us finish this episode, and then we can switch.’ 

• ‘You can choose this time, and I will choose next time.’ 

These scripts help children to practise assertiveness without aggression. It is also a good idea to discuss how they can handle their frustration by pausing, taking a deep breath, or walking away for a moment. When you return, ask them to reflect ‘How did you manage the remote today?’ not as an inspection, but as an act of empowerment. 

Teaching the Spirit Behind the System 

Make it clear that fairness is not just about ‘equal screen time’; it is about respect for one another. You can tell them, ‘Fairness means giving what is due, not just grabbing what you can.’ Explain that justice feels best when both hearts are at peace. When they learn to resolve their own fights and make peace, it is a sign of growth, not of failure. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, justice and consideration for others are not limited to courts or major decisions; they begin in the home, in the smallest of our interactions. The way that children learn to share a remote can become a mirror of how they will later share their time, space, and rights with others. 

Justice Begins with the Self 

The Quran reminds us that justice is not selective; it applies even when we have the upper hand. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety; and attained piety from Allah (Almighty), indeed, Allah is All Cognisant of all your actions (in the worldly life).’ 

You can tell your children, ‘When you are the one holding the remote, you have the power, but Allah loves it when you choose to use that power fairly.’ This frames the idea of fairness as an act of worship, not just a compromise. 

The Reward of Fairness in Everyday Matters 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ apply to anyone who is in a position of charge, even a child holding a remote control. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 194, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, the most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Resurrection, and the closest to Him, will be the just leader.’ 

You can explain, ‘Every time you share the remote fairly, you are acting like a little leader who is pleasing to Allah.’ This turns an ordinary domestic challenge into a spiritual exercise in self-restraint and justice. 

When children learn that fairness in small things connects them to divine approval, the idea of ‘who gets the remote’ becomes less about control and more about conscience. You are teaching them to act with integrity not out of fear of you, but out of a love for Allah a lesson that will outlast every screen, every show, and every childhood squabble.