< All Topics
Print

How can I guide my child to express difficult emotions respectfully while still feeling heard?

Parenting Perspective

Start by reaffirming the feeling: ‘Angry feelings are acceptable.’ After that, gently set a limit on the behaviour by saying, ‘But it is not okay to hit or shout.’ Children learn that while feeling is okay, how they display those feelings is their responsibility because of understanding this distinction between emotion and action. Name it with empathy to support their expression: ‘You seem disappointed because you were hoping for something else.’ Provide polite substitutes like taking a quiet pause, gripping a cushion, drawing how they feel, or simply breathing gently. A child is more likely to emulate that tone when they witness their emotions being addressed with empathy and composure rather than with harsh criticism. When children are respected during their most dysregulated moments, they learn how to express themselves respectfully.

Spiritual Insight

Respectful expression is part of Islamic Adab. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: ‘do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words. And do not say to them [your parents] a word of disrespect; but speak to them a noble word.’ This illustrates the importance of words, particularly when discussing emotions. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ responded to people with calm, even when they were rude or upset. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 923, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, ‘This is compassion, which Allah Almighty has placed in the hearts of His servants, and God shows compassion only to those of His servants who are compassionate.’ Consistent, compassionate instruction teaches children this emotional Adab.

Table of Contents

How can we help?