How Can I Guide Borrowing and Returning Items with Care and Thanks? 

Parenting Perspective 

The borrowing of items between siblings can often become a source of household tension, leading to arguments over things being taken without permission, returned in a damaged state, or not returned at all. Teaching your children a clear and respectful process for borrowing and returning is a fundamental lesson in respect, gratitude, and responsibility. These small, daily habits are what shape their character and how they will treat other people’s belongings throughout their lives. 

Establish a Simple Three-Step Process 

Introduce a straightforward and easy-to-remember routine for borrowing. This can be broken down into three clear steps: first, to always ask for permission (‘May I please use your pencil?’); second, to use the item carefully, treating it with even more respect than their own belongings; and third, to return it promptly with thanks. Breaking the process down into these distinct stages makes it easier for a child to learn and follow. 

Practise Through Role-Play 

To help your children internalise these steps, you can practise with them through role-play. Act out simple scenarios where one child politely asks to borrow an item, the other agrees, and the first child returns it with thanks. This simple exercise gives them the exact language and manners to use in real situations, removing any awkwardness and building their social confidence. 

Connect Borrowing with Building Trust 

Explain to your children that the way they handle borrowed items directly impacts the trust between them and their siblings. You could say, ‘When you return your brother’s toy safely and thank him for it, he learns that he can trust you. That trust is a very precious thing.’ This helps them to understand the important connection between responsible behaviour and strong relationships. 

Acknowledge and Praise Respectful Borrowing 

When you observe the process of borrowing and returning being done well, make a point of highlighting it. A simple comment like, ‘I really liked how you asked your sister so politely before using her crayons and made sure to thank her when you returned them. That showed real respect,’ makes them feel proud and want to repeat the positive behaviour. 

Implement Fair and Natural Consequences 

If a child repeatedly fails to return items or is careless with them, you can introduce a fair and natural consequence. This might mean placing a temporary limit on borrowing, with the explanation, ‘Until you can show that you are able to return things properly, we will need to take a break from borrowing new items.’ This directly connects their level of responsibility with their access to privileges. 

By guiding the act of borrowing as a practice of care and gratitude, you help your children to understand that respect for others is a principle that begins at home, with the small things. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that we are bound to fulfil our trusts and to return whatever we have borrowed with complete honesty and gratitude. Even the smallest household items fall under the sacred trust (amanah), and guiding children in this habit connects their daily actions to a profound spiritual principle. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This verse makes it clear that returning what has been entrusted to us is a direct command from Allah. By teaching children to return borrowed items carefully and promptly, we are helping them to fulfil this divine instruction in their everyday lives. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 3934, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Render back the trust to the one who entrusted you, and do not betray the one who betrays you.’ 

This hadith underscores the immense importance of honouring a trust. It teaches that even if others do not respect our belongings, our own accountability before Allah requires us to act with unwavering care, honesty, and integrity. 

When children learn the etiquette of borrowing politely, using items carefully, and returning them with thanks, they are practising the virtue of trustworthiness a quality that is beloved by Allah and is central to a noble character. These small acts of integrity build a foundation of honesty, respect, and gratitude that will serve them well in every relationship throughout their lives.