How can I explain to my child why one parent always says yes and the other always says no, without blaming anyone? 

Parenting Perspective 

The “Fun Parent” vs. “Strict Parent” Dynamic 

Children are able to identify patterns with remarkable speed, and they are even more adept at interpreting them. When one parent continuously says yes while the other appears to always say no, children may begin to assign roles: fun one vs strict one, or, worse, loving versus unfair one. This imbalance not only causes uncertainty, but it can subtly harm the child’s long-term connection with both parents. Yet, explaining this difference is delicate. You want to be truthful but not blameful. Protective but not dishonest. 

A Strategy for Unified Communication 

Start with neutral language: Mum and I sometimes think differently about what is best, but we both want what is good for you. This reframes disagreement as diversity rather than dysfunction. Teach your child that affection can manifest in various ways. One parent may decline an offer because they are considering the long term, while the other may accept it because they wish to share happiness. Both are valid when rooted in care. Privately, it is essential to address the imbalance. If one parent feels pressured to always refuse, to be the disciplinarian, they may become bitter or emotionally distant. Over time, the child may gravitate towards the lenient parent and detach themselves from structure. To avoid this, parents must establish baseline boundaries: which decisions must be consistent and which can tolerate fluctuation. If your child questions it directly, avoid sarcasm or dismissal. Instead say something like: We do not always have the same answer, but we both care deeply. Sometimes one of us gets it right, sometimes we adjust later. That is what teamwork looks like. The idea is not to justify inconsistencies, but to demonstrate reflective, cohesive parenting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages unity, even within difference. Parenting disagreements are not inherently harmful, but the way they are handled can either confuse or educate a child. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

“ And giving preference over themselves, even though they were impecunious themselves. “

The fundamental principle of parenthood is embodied in this verse: selfless intention. Even when parents disagree, they are normally behaving from a caring perspective. Children must be guided to see this rather than feeling trapped in comparison. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Whoever does not show mercy to our young ones, or acknowledge the rights of our elders, is not one of us. “

This Hadith teaches us that mercy is more than just kindness; it is also about fairness, awareness, and emotional responsibility. When parents accept and adjust their responsibilities in front of their children with mercy and harmony, they safeguard their child’s feeling of security while also planting seeds of balanced thinking for the future.