Parenting Perspective 

Children can sometimes confuse politeness with dishonesty, thinking it means they have to say things they do not feel. As a parent, you can help them to understand that true kindness and good manners never require a person to be untruthful. 

Define Politeness Clearly 

Explain that politeness is about showing respect and considering the feelings of others. Dishonesty, on the other hand, is about intentionally misleading someone. You can use a simple example: ‘It is polite to say thank you for a meal, even if it was not your favourite. But it would be dishonest to say you ate it all if you did not.’ 

Teach Gentle but Truthful Alternatives 

Guide your child towards using responses that are both tactful and truthful. Instead of saying, ‘This is delicious!’ when they do not like something, they could say, ‘Thank you so much for preparing this for me.’ It is also powerful to model this yourself. When your child sees you handling these small social situations with both honesty and kindness, they will learn from your example. 

Praise Efforts to Balance Both 

When you notice your child managing to be polite without being dishonest, be sure to acknowledge it. Saying, ‘I was really impressed with how you said thank you so nicely, without pretending it was your favourite. That was both kind and honest,’ gives them positive reinforcement for balancing these two values. 

Spiritual Insight 

Say That Which is Best 

Islam teaches that truthfulness and good manners are designed to go hand in hand. The Quran commands believers to choose their words carefully, so that they are always good and respectful, and do not cause unnecessary conflict. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

Speak Good or Remain Silent 

This simple yet profound prophetic guideline is the foundation of good speech. It teaches us to guard our words, ensuring that what we say is either good and beneficial, or we choose the safety of silence, thereby protecting ourselves and others from harm. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

Honesty with Wisdom and Respect 

By teaching your child that honesty should always be expressed with kindness, you help to nurture both their integrity and their emotional intelligence. They will learn that true politeness is not about saying false things to please people, but about speaking the truth in a respectful way that is pleasing to Allah.