How can I explain my pause to a child who thinks I am walking away? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a parent takes a necessary pause to calm down, a child can easily misinterpret it as abandonment or rejection. This can trigger feelings of panic, causing them to cling or protest more loudly. Explaining your pause in simple, reassuring words is essential to help your child see it as a tool for self-control, not a withdrawal of your love. 

Clearly Announce the Pause 

Instead of just walking away or falling silent without warning, use short and clear words to announce what you are doing. This clear communication prevents misunderstanding. 

• You could say, ‘I need to take a short pause to calm my voice. I will be right back to talk with you.’ 

• Or, ‘I am taking just one minute to breathe. I am not leaving you; I am just calming myself down.’ 

If your child protests, you can reassure them by saying, ‘I am not walking away from you. I am just taking one minute so I can speak kindly.’ 

Reassure Them of the Connection 

Pair your announcement of the pause with a clear reminder of your unwavering love and connection. This provides emotional safety and stops them from confusing a need for space with a lack of affection. 

• You can say, ‘Even when I need a quiet moment, I still love you very much.’ 

• Or, ‘I am just stepping over here for a moment; I am not leaving you.’ 

Keep the Pause Brief and Predictable 

For a pause to feel safe, it must be brief. A pause of one to three minutes is usually sufficient to reset your calm. Longer periods can begin to feel like a punishment or rejection. When you return, do so with a calm tone and be ready to re-engage with the situation as you promised. 

Model the Pause as a Healthy Skill 

Frame the act of pausing as a positive and healthy skill that anyone can use to manage big feelings. This transforms it from a reaction into a tool for healthy self-regulation. 

• You can explain, ‘When grown-ups feel upset, we sometimes pause to calm our hearts. You can try it too when you feel overwhelmed.’ 

• This teaches them that creating space for calmness is a sign of strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

The act of pausing with clear reassurance is a beautiful reflection of the Islamic balance between mercy and self-control. Our faith teaches us to manage our anger wisely, in a way that does not cause fear or emotional harm to those in our care. 

Forgiveness as a Mark of Faith 

The Quran praises those who, when they feel anger rising, are able to master it and choose forgiveness instead. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash Shura (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’ 

Taking a pause is the first step in this noble process, creating the space needed to move from anger to a state of calm forgiveness. 

The Prophetic Definition of True Strength 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that the true measure of a person’s strength is not in their physical power, but in their ability to control themselves during a moment of anger. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who throws others down. The strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

By pausing to manage your anger, you are not only preserving your connection with your child, but you are also embodying this Prophetic definition of true strength.