Parenting Perspective 

When parents have naturally different styles of discipline, any inconsistency in the consequences they issue can confuse children and encourage them to test the boundaries between the ‘stricter’ and the ‘softer’ parent. The solution is not for one parent to completely change their personality, but for both to agree on a set of shared standards that they will uphold together. 

Agree on Core Principles in Advance 

It is crucial to decide in advance which specific behaviours will always result in a consequence. This could include actions like lying, showing disrespect, or deliberately ignoring instructions. It can be helpful to write these down so that both parents are operating from the same baseline. 

Define a Menu of Clear Consequences 

To ensure consistency, agree on a simple and repeatable ‘menu’ of consequences that either parent can apply. This creates predictability for the child. These might include: 

• A temporary loss of screen time. 

• An earlier bedtime for that evening. 

• The temporary removal of a favourite toy or privilege. 

The key is that both parents must use the same consequence for the same behaviour, regardless of their personal disciplinary style. 

Use ‘Unity Phrases’ in the Moment 

In the moment of discipline, you can reinforce your alignment by using short, unifying phrases. A simple statement like, ‘We have already agreed on this rule, and this is the consequence,’ prevents either parent from softening or escalating the response beyond what you have both agreed upon. 

Review and Adjust Your Approach in Private 

If one parent feels that a consequence did not quite fit the situation, that discussion should be saved for a private moment. This is a time to agree on any tweaks for the future, but it is vital that you never contradict each other in front of your child. 

By grounding your discipline in agreed-upon standards, you provide your children with a consistent and predictable environment. They learn that the rules of the house are not based on one parent’s personality, but are family values that are upheld by both. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on justice, fairness, and consistency in all matters. When parents align on the consequences for their children’s behaviour, they are upholding the principle of justice within the home and protecting their children from the instability of confusion. 

The Commandment of Steadfast Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This verse commands believers to be steadfast and unwavering in justice. In the context of parenting, this means applying rules and consequences consistently and fairly, making justice a cornerstone of the family structure. 

The Prophetic Call for Fairness 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just between your children in giving gifts, as you would like them to be just with you in kindness.’ 

While this Hadith refers specifically to gifts, its underlying principle of fairness and equal treatment is universal. It teaches us that consistency is a prophetic command, and this applies as much to discipline as it does to generosity. 

By ensuring consistent consequences, parents reflect Islamic justice in their daily lives. Your children grow up knowing that love and discipline are reliable, steady, and rooted in a deep sense of fairness that is pleasing to Allah Almighty.