How can I encourage my child to lead instead of copy? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often imitate their peers because it provides a sense of safety and belonging. While this is a normal part of social development, it can also hinder their ability to think independently. Encouraging your child to lead does not mean teaching them to be bossy; it means empowering them to trust their own ideas, act with kindness, and make choices based on their own values, not just on what everyone else is doing. 

Build Confidence in Their Own Ideas 

Demonstrate that their thoughts and preferences are valued. When a child sees that their voice matters, they feel more confident to act on their own initiative. 

• Ask for their opinion on small matters: ‘What game do you think we should play this afternoon?’ 

• Involve them in simple family decisions: ‘Should we have rice or pasta for dinner tonight?’ 

Praise Initiative Over Imitation 

Actively notice and celebrate the moments when your child takes positive initiative without waiting to follow someone else. 

• You could say, ‘You decided to share your toys without anyone asking. That was wonderful leadership.’ 

• Or, ‘I love how you were the first one to help. I am sure others will see your good example and want to follow.’ 

This positive reinforcement encourages them to shift their focus from copying to leading. 

Create Safe Opportunities for Leadership 

Assign your child small, age-appropriate responsibilities that make them feel trusted and capable. These moments help build leadership into their identity. 

• Let them lead the family in a short dua before meals. 

• Ask them to help a younger sibling with a simple task. 

• Allow them to choose the bedtime story for the family to enjoy together. 

Teach That True Leadership is Kindness 

Explain that leadership is not about being in control, but about setting a positive example for others to follow. True leadership is a form of service. 

• You can teach them, ‘A true leader is often the first person to show kindness.’ 

• And, ‘When you do the right thing with a good heart, others will naturally want to follow your lead.’ 

You can also role-play situations where being kind first inspires others to do the same. 

Guide Them to Lead with Respect 

Ensure your child understands that leadership must always be gentle and respectful, never forceful. 

• Praise them when they give directions in a calm and polite manner. 

• If they become bossy, you can gently correct them by saying, ‘A good leader guides with kindness, not commands.’ 

This helps them learn to inspire cooperation rather than demand obedience. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance from the Quran 

In Islam, aspiring to be a positive role model and a leader for the righteous is a noble and spiritual goal. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

‘And those people that say: “O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that make) our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model”.’ 

This beautiful verse reveals that aspiring to be a leader for the righteous is a prayer made by the most devout believers. By teaching your child to lead in goodness, you are connecting their everyday actions to this high spiritual aspiration. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

The concept of leadership in Islam is deeply tied to the idea of setting a righteous example that others can follow for their benefit. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The imam is appointed to be followed, so when he says the takbir, then you also say the takbir.’ 

Although this Hadith is in the context of prayer, it illustrates a universal principle: a leader guides by example, and others follow that lead. By teaching your child that their kindness, honesty, and patience can set a positive standard for others, you inspire them to see leadership as a profound responsibility, not just a position of power.