How can I create a sense of fairness when each child has different abilities or needs? 

Parenting Perspective 

Explain Fairness as Equity, Not Sameness 

True fairness does not mean treating every child identically; it means giving each child what they need to thrive. Explain that everyone has different strengths, and fairness is about meeting individual needs. For example, one child might need extra help with homework, while another needs more time for sports practice. Reassure them that while the type of support may differ, your love for them is always equal. 

Make Fairness Visible 

It is important to make this fairness visible. If one child receives extra help, be sure to highlight the unique strengths and contributions of the other. Saying, ‘Your sister needed my help with her maths today, but I was so impressed with how you completed your chores without being asked,’ helps to balance the attention. Encourage them to work on tasks together so they can see how their different abilities complement one another. 

Foster Security and Mutual Respect 

By creating a family culture where fairness is about equity, not uniformity, you help your children feel secure and respected for who they are rather than comparing themselves constantly. This nurtures mutual respect and reduces resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

No Soul is Burdened Beyond Its Capacity 

Islam teaches that fairness takes into account a person’s individual capacity. Allah does not expect identical deeds from everyone, but rather judges them based on their sincere effort according to their ability. This is the model for fairness in the home. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity; bearing the (fruits of the) goodness he has earnt, and bearing the (consequences of the) evil he has earnt (in the worldly life)…’ 

Fairness Creates Emotional Safety 

The prophetic tradition teaches that a true believer is a source of safety and security for others. For a parent, practising fairness is a way of creating this emotional safety, ensuring each child feels secure, respected, and protected from feelings of neglect. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is one who makes others feel safe, and the Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand others are safe.’ 

Differences are Part of Divine Wisdom 

When you frame fairness in this way, your children learn that their individual differences are not weaknesses, but are a part of Allah’s divine wisdom. This nurtures mutual respect and helps them to value each other’s unique strengths, secure in the knowledge that they are treated with justice and love.