How can I balance the different needs of multiple children? 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness is About Meeting Individual Needs 

One of the most common challenges for parents is balancing the individual needs of two or more children. Every child has their own temperament, strengths, struggles and ways of communicating. What comforts one child may irritate another, so it helps to remember that fairness does not always mean treating everyone the same. True fairness is about noticing what each child genuinely needs. 

Using Small Rituals to Make Each Child Feel Seen 

One child may need extra quiet time with you, while another may thrive with more praise and encouragement. Small, consistent rituals help each child feel seen, bedtime chats with one, doing a simple household chore with another or going for a short walk or sharing a story together. 

Keeping Rules Fair but Flexible 

Keep family rules fair but flexible enough to meet each child’s needs without hurting anyone’s feelings. Teach siblings to appreciate each other’s differences instead of comparing themselves. Talk openly about this. Remind your children that love is not divided between them, it is multiplied. 

Some days you may give more attention to one child and that does not mean you love the others any less. Be gentle with yourself. There will be days of conflict, mess or guilt. When you feel pulled in too many directions, pause, breathe and remind yourself that doing your best is enough. Perfect balance is not about every day being equal but about creating a home where each child feels special and truly content in their own place. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the effort of parents who balance the unique needs of each child with fairness and compassion. Every child is a trust from Allah Almighty, no two are alike, and that difference is part of the mercy and test of family life. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verse 84: 

Say, ‘Everyone acts according to their own disposition, but your Lord is most knowing of who is best guided in way.’ 

This Ayah reminds us that each child has their own path and personality, and parents are not responsible for forcing them into identical moulds. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5092, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children justly. ‘

Justice does not mean always giving the same to each child, it means meeting their individual needs with Sabr, wisdom, and kindness. When you feel inadequate or pulled in too many directions, make sincere Dua: O Allah, help me do justice and grant me Sabr and Barakah in my time and energy. Trust that your daily struggles to treat each child fairly, even in small unseen ways, are acts of Ibadah that bring you closer to Allah Almighty. Take comfort that your intention to nurture each child’s differences is valued in the sight of your Lord, every moment of patience, every tear you wipe, every unfair comparison you defuse, builds a home filled with love, fairness, and blessings in this world and the next, InshaAllah.