Parenting Perspective 

Apologising to siblings, especially when tensions have risen due to comparisons, can be delicate. When you have made a mistake or created unfair competition, it is important to offer an apology that addresses the root of the issue without inadvertently fuelling further rivalry. The goal is to express genuine remorse while reinforcing the individual value of each child and ensuring that both siblings feel heard and respected. 

Acknowledge the Harm Without Comparing Them 

When apologising to siblings, focus on the emotional impact your actions have had, rather than referencing how one child may have been favoured over the other. 

• What to do: Say something like, ‘I realise I made a mistake in the way I treated you both, and I am sorry for making you feel like you were in competition with each other. I should have treated you both equally.’ 

• Why it works: Focusing on the emotional impact of the apology, rather than comparisons, helps prevent further rivalry. 

Emphasise Each Child’s Unique Qualities 

It is essential to highlight the individual strengths of each child when apologising. Celebrate their unique characteristics to help them feel valued for who they are. 

• What to do: After apologising, make a point to mention what you appreciate about each child. For example, ‘Both of you bring something special to our family, and I want to make sure I always appreciate each of your unique qualities.’ 

• Why it works: Emphasising individuality helps each child feel respected for who they are, rather than being part of a competition. 

Avoid Making the Apology a ‘One-Time Fix’ 

It is important that your apology is not seen as a one-off gesture but rather part of an ongoing commitment to treating both siblings with fairness and respect. 

• What to do: After the apology, make sure you follow through with actions that reflect your commitment. For example, ‘I know I have made mistakes in the past, but I am going to be more mindful of how I treat you both from now on.’ 

• Why it works: Consistency in actions is key to making the apology meaningful and reinforces that you are committed to equitable treatment. 

Encourage Shared Positive Experiences 

One way to strengthen the bond between siblings after a comparison-related apology is to encourage shared positive experiences that focus on cooperation rather than competition. 

• What to do: Plan activities where the siblings can work together towards a common goal. You could say, ‘Let us plan something fun for the two of you to do together. It will be nice for you both to enjoy something as a team.’ 

• Why it works: Shared experiences create bonding moments that strengthen teamwork and empathy, rather than focusing on differences. 

Foster Ongoing Open Communication 

Once you have apologised, encourage open communication between the siblings so they can express their feelings and concerns. 

• What to do: Encourage both siblings to speak openly about how they feel, and listen without judgement. For example, you could say, ‘I want to make sure we are all on the same page. If either of you ever feels like I have made a comparison, please let me know.’ 

• Why it works: Open communication fosters trust and shows that you are committed to maintaining fairness moving forward. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Brotherhood and Peace 

The noble Quran highlights the importance of brotherhood and peace-making in Islam. In the context of sibling relationships, it calls us to seek reconciliation and harmony. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

By working to repair any rifts caused by comparisons, we follow the Islamic principle of fostering love and understanding between siblings. 

The Foundation of Mercy and Reconciliation 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us that mercy and restraint are essential in resolving conflicts. When we have caused hurt, we should act with mercy and humility. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 375, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy to others, Allah will not show mercy to him.’ 

Remembering that compassion and understanding can restore peace and fairness in our relationships is key. By apologising without comparison, celebrating individuality, and promoting shared experiences, you can repair the damage caused by comparisons and restore harmony between siblings.