Parenting Perspective 

While it is natural for siblings to share secrets, this can become a problem when it leads to covering up mistakes. Your role as a parent is not to eliminate their private bond, but to guide them so that their loyalty to each other does not lead to dishonesty. 

Differentiate Between Healthy and Harmful Secrets 

Teach your children that there is a difference between harmless secrets, like planning a surprise, and harmful ones that involve hiding the truth. You can explain it simply: ‘Secrets that are about kindness are wonderful, but secrets that hide something wrong can hurt our family’s trust.’ This helps them to see the important distinction. 

Make Honesty a Higher Value Than Secrecy 

Clarify that being a good sibling does not mean lying for one another. True loyalty is about protecting each other by being honest. Encourage them to understand this, and provide a safe way for them to tell the truth by allowing them to speak to you privately. When they know you will respond with fairness and not just anger, they will be more willing to choose honesty over secrecy. 

Encourage Positive Sibling Loyalty 

Guide them towards supporting each other in truthful ways. For example, if one sibling makes a mistake, the other can help them to admit it and make amends. By praising this kind of supportive behaviour, you show them that true sibling closeness and honesty can go hand in hand. This teaches them that their bond is strongest when it is built on trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Do Not Converse Privately About Sin 

Islam forbids secrecy when it is used to conceal wrongdoing. The Quran gives a clear command that any private conversation should be about righteousness and piety, never about sin or disobedience. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 9: 

‘O you who are believers, when you hold secret consultations; then do not hold private conversations in regard to actions that are sinful and vengeful and disobedient to the Messenger (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ); but hold private conversations about actions that are (pertaining to) benevolence and piety…’ 

A Believer is One Who Can Be Trusted 

The prophetic tradition teaches that a defining trait of a believer is that they are trustworthy. This is a beautiful principle to teach siblings: that their bond should be a source of trust and safety for one another, not a cover for dishonesty. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is the one people trust with their lives and wealth.’ 

A Bond Built on Truth 

By connecting the rules around secrets to both family trust and Islamic guidance, you give your children clarity. They learn over time that their sibling bond is at its strongest when it is built on truth, fairness, and the kind of loyalty that is pleasing to Allah.