How can a child invite someone new in without making others feel replaced? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children try to include someone new in their circle of friends, it can stir up some very delicate emotions. Their existing friends may feel pushed aside or replaced, while the new child might feel uncertain about whether they truly belong. Without guidance, your child’s good intentions can accidentally lead to tension or jealousy. Teaching your child how to include others in a gentle way, without excluding anyone else, helps to build their empathy, emotional intelligence, and a form of leadership rooted in kindness. 

Starting by Naming the Balance 

Help your child to understand that inclusion does not have to mean replacement. You could say, ‘You can make space for someone new without losing your old friends. A friendship is not a trade; it actually grows bigger when it is shared.’ This reassurance teaches your child that their connections can expand when they are handled with care. 

Teaching Warm and Inclusive Phrases 

Give your child clear language that helps to bring people together instead of dividing them. 

• ‘Let us all play this together; it will be more fun with more people!’ 

• ‘You will like my new friend; they are great at this game.’ 

• A particularly effective phrase is: ‘This is my new friend; let us all hang out together!’ 

These phrases shift the tone from “I am picking someone else over you” to “I am adding someone to our group.” Role-playing can help your child to sound friendly and fair. 

Explaining the Power of Eye Contact and Group Energy 

Inclusion is not only about the words we use; it is also about our gestures and body language. You can advise your child, ‘When you look at everyone in the group and smile, it tells your old friends that they still matter to you.’ You can also encourage your child to stand between their old and new friends when making an introduction, as this physically symbolises unity, not taking sides. 

Encouraging Shared Activities 

Suggest that your child finds group-based ways to bring everyone together. This could be a team game where everyone has a role, a group project where the new friend can contribute, or a snack time where all are invited to share. Shared tasks are a natural way to bridge gaps without making anyone feel excluded. 

Preparing Them for Mixed Reactions 

Sometimes, despite your child’s best efforts, their friends may still feel jealous or uncertain. You can prepare them for this by saying, ‘If your old friend seems a bit left out, maybe you can spend some special time with them later. A little bit of kindness can help to calm hurt feelings.’ 

Modelling Inclusion at Home 

Children learn a great deal from watching how you behave. You could say, ‘I invited someone new to sit with us at lunch today. It was so nice to be able to include them.’ Hearing you speak about inclusion as a normal and positive part of kindness will make it a more natural behaviour for your child. 

Praising Balanced Friendship 

When you see your child bringing others together smoothly, be sure to recognise both the empathy and the confidence they have shown. For example, ‘You made the new friend feel so welcome, and you kept your old friend feeling happy, too. That is what real leadership looks like.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages believers to build a sense of unity and warmth among people. Welcoming others without causing hurt to those already present is a reflection of adab (refined manners) and ukhuwwah (brotherhood and sisterhood). Teaching your child to include others with gentleness is a reflection of the Prophet’s ﷺ own character, which was open-hearted, balanced, and fair. 

The Quranic Wisdom of Building Harmony 

The Quran reminds us that creating and maintaining unity among people is a pathway to receiving divine mercy. It is an act that is deeply beloved by Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

When your child includes someone new while also taking care of their existing friends’ feelings, they are putting this teaching into practice by choosing harmony over comparison. 

The Prophetic Example of an Inclusive Heart 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ beautifully capture the essence of true inclusion. A believer should want for others the same goodness that they want for themselves. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 66, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you has believed until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.‘ 

When your child helps a new friend to feel welcome, while at the same time ensuring that no one else feels forgotten, they are living out this beautiful teaching. 

When your child learns to say, “This is my new friend; let us all hang out together!”, they are discovering the art of inclusive friendship. They are learning that kindness only grows stronger when it does not exclude anyone. 

Each small act of bringing others together helps to build their confidence, empathy, and social grace. Your child learns how to be a bridge between people, someone who spreads warmth instead of competition. 

In that simple act of welcoming, your child comes to reflect the very heart of the Islamic character: a heart that values togetherness, fairness, and mercy for all, for the sake of Allah Almighty.