Explaining to Your Child That You Are Still Learning 

Parenting Perspective 

Your intention to be candid with your child without imposing a burden is both courageous and beautiful. It embodies a fundamental truth: children do not require parents who are flawless. They require parents who are open to personal development. 

It is unnecessary to provide your child with your entire life story when conversing with them. What they benefit from is the unambiguous message that you are dedicated to acquiring the skills necessary to love and lead them well, even if this was not modelled for you. This may appear as: ‘I did not always learn the necessary skills to express my emotions or receive comfort in the right way during my childhood. However, I am learning how to be better now, and I care about your well-being.’ 

Learning, Seeing, and Caring 

The message remains consistent: ‘I am learning, I see you, and I care,’ despite the fact that the language can be modified to suit the age of your child. This enables your child to comprehend that your development is not their fault and that your endeavours are intended to benefit them. It fosters trust while safeguarding their innocence. 

The Power of Repair 

Simultaneously, your child will require consistency in their behaviour. Showing up calmly, even when they are upset, is the essence of safe parenting; it is not about saying all the correct things. The objective is to respond with inquiry, rather than control. You will not always achieve perfection; however, you have the option to return and rectify the situation. The capacity to express regret by stating, ‘I apologise for my error,’ teaches your child a powerful lesson: growth is always possible. 

Spiritual Insight 

It is not a sign of frailty to acknowledge that you are still in the process of learning. It is a virtue from an Islamic perspective. Even when it is uncomfortable, it is a natural aspect of the human experience to pursue Ihsan (excellence) and strive for improvement. 

A Reminder That Renewal is Always Accessible 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.‘

This verse is not exclusively intended for individuals who have committed significant errors; it serves as a spiritual reminder that redemption, renewal, and return are perpetually accessible. The same mercy that you desire from Allah is the mercy you extend to your child, and to your younger self. 

The Prophetic Model: Strength is Regulation 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when he is angry.‘

[Sahih Muslim, 45:140] 

Strength is characterised by regulation in the context of parenthood. It appears to be a combination of remaining connected, selecting gentleness, and pausing in the face of overwhelming circumstances. You are not failing your child by demonstrating this learning journey; rather, you are providing them with a roadmap for their own development. That is not merely responsible parenting. This is the practice of sacred parenthood.