Can tantrums be linked to underdeveloped thinking?

Absolutely. Tantrums are not usually signs of bad behaviour or manipulation. They are often the natural result of a developing brain trying, and sometimes failing, to cope with overwhelming emotions. In young children, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, reasoning, and decision-making, is still in the early stages of development. When a child is tired, hungry, overstimulated, or emotionally flooded, they simply do not yet have the tools to respond calmly or communicate clearly. This leads to emotional outbursts that can feel sudden and intense.
Understanding this does not mean we ignore the behaviour, but it invites us to respond with empathy rather than punishment. A tantrum is not always a deliberate act of defiance. It is often the visible signal of an invisible struggle. By maintaining predictable routines, offering age-appropriate choices, and responding with calm consistency, we help children feel safe and supported. This safety becomes the foundation for developing emotional regulation. Children learn not from what we say in the heat of the moment, but from how we behave.
After a tantrum, it is important to reconnect. Comfort your child, name the emotion they were likely feeling, such as anger, frustration, or disappointment, and gently offer better ways to express it next time. You might say, ‘It was really hard when we had to leave the park. You were upset. Next time, let’s try taking a deep breath together.’ This approach builds emotional vocabulary, self-awareness, and the beginnings of self-control.
With time, trust, and modelling, the tantrums become less frequent and less intense. Your child is not failing when they melt down. Each episode is not a test of authority, but a stepping stone toward emotional maturity.