Can Reclaiming Yourself Harm the Bond with Your Child? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is profoundly noble to sacrifice oneself for one’s offspring; however, when giving is reduced to erasure, a sacred element is forfeited. The notion that parenthood necessitates the sacrifice of one’s identity is not only unsustainable, but it also subtly alienates one from their own sense of vitality. In the long term, that hollowness does not serve to fortify your bond; rather, it may erode it. 

Children flourish when their parents are emotionally available, attuned, and grounded. It is not selfish to desire the return of aspects of your personality, pleasure, or creativity that were suppressed in the pursuit of being a ‘better parent.’ You are not retreating from your child by returning to yourself; rather, you are turning towards your child with a more expansive heart. 

Identify What You Are Missing 

Start by delicately identifying the components that you are missing. Was it your inquisitiveness? What motivates your social life? Do you have a passion for learning, art, or movement? Reclaiming them does not entail separating from your child; rather, it entails allowing them to observe your completeness. Children acquire self-worth not by observing a parent withdraw into service, but by observing a parent live with sincerity and presence. 

Incorporate Your Interests into Family Life 

You have the ability to incorporate those components into your family life by talking about your interests with enthusiasm, revisiting a hobby, or shared music. This communicates to your child that ‘I have a self, and you do as well.’ That does not constitute a rupture in your relationship; rather, it is a strengthening. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam prioritises equilibrium, between obligations and leisure, worship and happiness, self-care and others’ well-being. Self-neglect is never commended as righteousness in the noble Qur’an. Self-awareness is, in fact, essential for the fulfilment of any trust, including that of fatherhood. 

A Reminder Not to Forget Ourselves 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), verse 19: 

‘And do not become like those people who have become oblivious to Allah (Almighty); so He (Allah Almighty) made them oblivious about themselves; those are the defiantly nefarious.’ 

This verse serves as a profound reminder that spiritual neglect encompasses the loss of personal presence and identity, as it connects the act of ignoring Allah with the act of forgetting oneself. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Self Has a Right Over You 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, your own self has a right over you. ‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 83:12] 

He affirmed the equilibrium between the rights of the individual and the service of others. Reclaiming oneself is not a form of rebellion against one’s role; rather, it is a form of alignment with it. In doing so, you demonstrate to your child the importance of leading a life that is based on wholeness rather than exhaustion. The act of reclaiming lost aspects of oneself is not a threat to the bond between oneself and one’s offspring; rather, it is a demonstration of faith in the strength of that bond. And it is a return to the fitrah with which you were created, not just to yourself.