Can I openly share my plan to reduce distractions, or will that pressure my child to monitor me? 

Parenting Perspective 

You can and should share your plan to reduce distractions, but the way you frame it is very important. When presented as an invitation for mutual support, rather than a new rule for your child to enforce, it can strengthen your bond without making them feel responsible for your behaviour. 

Share for Reassurance, Not Accountability 

Frame your intention as a gift to your relationship. You could say something like, ‘I have noticed I have been on my phone a lot recently, and I want to change that so I can be more present with you’. This communicates your goal clearly and lovingly, without asking them to take on the role of your supervisor. 

Avoid Burdening Them With Oversight 

A child should never be made to feel responsible for an adult’s behaviour. Therefore, avoid putting them in the role of a monitor. Instead of saying, ‘Remind me if I am on my phone too much’, you could offer, ‘If you ever feel like I am distracted, please know you can always tell me, and I promise to listen’. This empowers them to speak but does not burden them with the duty of policing you. 

Follow Through Consistently 

Ultimately, the most powerful message you can send is through your own consistent actions. When your child repeatedly sees you putting your device away during important family moments, they will feel reassured by your commitment. Your follow-through is what makes your words believable and removes any need for them to intervene. 

By framing your plan as your commitment to them, rather than a task for them, you can preserve their emotional comfort while clearly signalling that their presence is your priority. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, we are encouraged to take responsibility for our own spiritual and personal improvement, pairing good intentions with sincere actions, without placing undue burdens on others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity...’ 

This powerful principle reminds us not to place burdens on others that they cannot bear. This includes the emotional burden of making our children responsible for our own self-improvement, which is a responsibility we must carry ourselves. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nasai, Hadith 4199, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The religion is sincere advice.’ 

This beautiful Hadith teaches us that advice should be given and received with sincerity and goodwill. It should be an invitation, not a duty imposed upon another person, which is a perfect model for how to involve our children in our goals. 

By openly sharing your good intentions, inviting gentle feedback, and taking full responsibility for your actions, you make your child feel valued and included in your journey of self-improvement, without ever burdening them with the role of monitor.