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As a parent, what is my role in a tantrum?

Parenting Perspective

When a child is having a tantrum, the parent’s responsibility is not to stop the outburst right away, but to offer a calm and secure presence. Tantrums are not intentional acts of defiance; rather, they are emotional outbursts that happen when a child is unable to handle their overwhelming feelings. Your responsibility is to stay composed and not respond emotionally. By taking this approach, you assist your child in regaining stability without contributing to the chaos. Do not try to reason with or discipline a child when they are having a tantrum, as their mind is not ready to understand.

Instead, prioritise safety by making sure the child is not causing harm to themselves or to others. Maintain a calm tone and ensure your body language is neutral. Once the tantrum is over, talk to the child about what occurred using clear language and straightforward questions. Teaching should occur at a time when individuals are not experiencing extreme distress. Your role is not to resolve the tantrum but to demonstrate the patience and calm that your child will eventually learn to imitate.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Asr (103), Verses 2–3: ‘Indeed, mankind shall surely (remain in a state) of deprivation (moral deficit) except for those people who are believers and undertake virtuous acts; and encouraging (cultivating within themselves and with one another the realisation and dissemination of) the truth and encouraging (cultivating within themselves and with one another the realisation and accomplishment of) resilience.’ Parenting is a significant way to practise patience and guidance. The parent’s role during a tantrum is not to overpower the child emotionally, but to serve as a quiet guide in patience and strength.

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated:
‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by force, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ A parent’s ability to lead calmly is crucial, particularly during times when a child’s feelings are intense. Your presence serves as a means of oversight, while your silence acts to provide direction. This method, based on Islamic principles, enables emotional correction to occur smoothly and reliably. Every moment you practise patience builds your character and gradually influence your child’s emotional understanding for the future.

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