After we argue, our child starts acting out, tantrums, disobedience, or clinginess. Could this be a response to what they are witnessing? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Behaviour as a Response 

The behaviour in question is most likely a reaction to the events that your child is observing. Children may lack the ability to convey their emotions verbally, but their bodies and behaviours frequently do so. Tantrums, unexpected defiance, or clinginess are frequently signs of interior distress, not defiance for its own sake, but an emotional response to instability. When children witness their parents arguing, especially if the tone is aggressive, they frequently feel emotionally threatened. Their sense of safety is upset, and they automatically react. Some interpret this as rebellion, while others see regressions, abrupt fearfulness, neediness, or emotional outbursts that appear unrelated to the situation at hand. 

A Strategy of Reconnection, Not Reprimand 

Rather than focussing on addressing the behaviour in the moment, pause and consider: What are they feeling underlying this? Their acting out could be a method of stating, I do not feel safe right now. To address it, begin with reconnection, not reprimand. Physical closeness, a steady tone, and simple reassurance can help calm the nervous system. You might say, It was loud or terrifying earlier, but we are fine. You are safe, and we love you. After the emotion has subsided, calmly describe what they experienced: Sometimes adults dispute, but it is never your fault. We are working through it together. The objective is not to protect them from every disagreement, but rather to guarantee that they internalise repair, safety, and emotional transparency, rather than dread. 

Spiritual Insight 

Children’s emotions are considered a sacred trust. Islam teaches that even the most vulnerable among us have rights, not just to food, care, and shelter, but also to emotional protection and kindness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

While the verse speaks to broader participation, its wisdom extends inward a to how we handle dispute in our own families. In the best way possible encompasses tone, timing, and emotional responsibility, particularly when children are present. It is also recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 789, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

‘I stand up to pray and intend to prolong it; but when I hear the cry of a boy I shorten if for fear that his mother might be distressed. ‘

This incredible sensitivity reminds us that even subtle emotional pain in toddlers should not be overlooked. We are honouring our child’s emotional setting when we respond to their behaviour with understanding rather than punishment. We see their behaviour as a message, not a disruption, and respond with prophetic compassion that heals rather than silences.