After our fight, I hugged my child but they pulled away. Could they be feeling angry or confused about their emotional loyalty? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, when a child physically pulls away after witnessing conflict, it can signal a complex mix of confusion, a conflict of loyalty, or even a form of unspoken grief. Children often feel torn when they see their primary caregivers in dispute. They desperately need closeness to feel secure, yet at the same time, they may feel conflicted over who is “right” or simply feel emotionally unsafe with both parents. Pulling away is not necessarily an act of rejection; it is often a form of quiet protest or a method of self-protection. Your child may be silently communicating, “You were part of what just scared me. I want to trust you again, but I do not know how to do that right now.” 

Rather than taking this personally or trying to instantly ‘fix’ the moment with more affection, it is better to gently acknowledge their need for space: “I can see you are not ready for a hug right now, and that is okay. I will be right here when you are.” This gives them emotional room while reinforcing your availability. Later, you can calmly state the larger truth: “Sometimes adults have very strong feelings. What happened earlier was not your fault, and we are working on being kinder when we disagree.” Children need to hear explicitly that the tension is not their burden to carry, and that their emotional safety is being actively restored, not ignored. Over time, this consistent emotional honesty will re-establish their trust, not through forced affection, but through your calm and steady presence.

What Your Child Might Be Feeling 

• A sense of guilt for still loving both parents during a conflict. 

• A deep fear of instability and what the fighting might mean for the family. 

• A conflicting need for both space and reassurance at the same time. 

• A feeling of emotional over-responsibility and profound confusion. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings emphasise that safeguarding the hearts of our children is a sacred trust. Their emotions are delicate, and our response in the aftermath of causing harm speaks volumes more than the initial harm itself. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ provides the ultimate example; he never pressured children into offering affection or obedience. Instead, he allowed them space and choice, always treating their feelings with the utmost dignity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verses 6: 

‘O you who are Believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones… ‘

This protection is not only physical but also profoundly emotional, encompassing the duty to guard our children’s hearts from the kind of harm that leaves silent wounds. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters. ‘

This principle of gentleness is especially crucial in moments of emotional tension. When your child pulls away, the prophetic response is to choose gentleness. Do not push for closeness, chase them for affection, or make them feel guilty. Instead, let your own calm presence be the bridge back to you. With time, love will feel safe for them again, not because you rushed the healing, but because you rebuilt their trust slowly, with truth and tenderness.