What should I do if my child borrows PE gear without asking? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child borrows PE gear without asking, it presents an opportunity to teach important lessons about respect, responsibility, and trust. The key is to address the behaviour with understanding while reinforcing clear moral boundaries. 

Understand the Reason Before Correcting 

When a child takes a classmate’s shoes, shirt, or water bottle without permission, the act often stems from urgency or embarrassment rather than dishonesty. Many children feel anxious when they are unprepared for a lesson and act quickly to avoid trouble. Responding only with anger can obscure the real lesson about respecting others’ belongings. Before correcting, explore the reason gently: ‘Were you worried you would get into trouble for forgetting?’ This approach encourages honesty and reflection instead of denial. 

Teach Ownership and How to Make Amends 

Guide your child to see that borrowing without permission breaches trust, even if they intended to return the item. Explain calmly: ‘It is not wrong to need help, but it is wrong to take without asking.’ Involve them in the process of making amends. If the gear was returned safely, encourage a sincere apology and a short thank-you note to the owner. If any damage occurred, help your child clean or replace the item. Taking restorative action repairs both the object and the relationship. 

Build Habits of Preparedness 

Once the immediate situation is resolved, use it as a teaching moment to build responsibility. Create a PE checklist and keep all items in a labelled bag, ready for school. Review it together the evening before. Empower your child to take ownership by saying, ‘Your things are your responsibility, not mine.’ If borrowing is ever necessary, teach them the correct sequence: ask for permission, explain the situation, thank the person, and return the item promptly. 

Link Integrity to Personal Character 

Help your child understand that trust is a delicate and valuable quality. You could say, ‘When people know you ask first, they see you as dependable.’ This reframes integrity as a strength rather than a restriction. Over time, your child will learn that being trustworthy earns far more respect and comfort than taking something in secret ever could. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on trust as a core moral responsibility.¹ Using another person’s belongings without their consent, even briefly, violates this sacred principle and offers a chance to teach that faith guides our everyday choices. 

Explain Amanah: The Principle of Trust 

Islam honours amanah (trust) as one of the highest moral duties.² Taking another person’s property without permission is a violation of this trust. A child who learns to respect others’ property is fulfilling a form of worship, as they are honouring both human and divine trust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mu’minoon (23), Verses 8-9: 

‘And those people who are responsible in the execution of all matters entrusted to them and promised by them. And those people that secure their prayers (from any frivolous thoughts).’ 

This verse directly links honesty and faithfulness to a person’s prayers, showing that integrity in daily actions is a reflection of one’s relationship with Allah Almighty. 

Reinforce the Importance of Permission 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught Muslims to uphold consent and fairness in all their dealings. This principle builds a child’s moral compass, helping them distinguish between need and entitlement. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 3530, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not lawful for a man to take his brother’s property except with his goodwill.’ 

This hadith highlights that ownership is sacred, and willing consent is essential before using anything that belongs to another person. When parents connect this timeless principle to everyday situations, they show that Islamic ethics apply even to small classroom interactions. 

Turn a Mistake into Moral Growth 

If your child has borrowed without asking, treat it as an opportunity for moral training, not humiliation. Guide them to make things right, restore trust, and take pride in choosing the correct action next time. Teach them that Islam does not shame those who make a mistake and repent; it honours those who correct their actions. A gentle reminder that Allah Almighty loves honesty more than perfection can heal guilt and strengthen their conscience. In this way, the incident becomes a moral milestone.