How do I keep praise balanced so siblings do not feel overlooked? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to praise standout efforts, but doing so can unintentionally make other children feel invisible or undervalued. Every child has unique strengths and contributes in different ways; your words have the power to either foster harmony or sow resentment. By consciously balancing your praise, you teach children that everyone’s contribution is important, which helps build a supportive and loving family environment. 

Acknowledge Specific Efforts 

Start by genuinely acknowledging each child’s specific actions, no matter how small. Vague praise can feel empty, but specific recognition shows you are truly paying attention. Instead of a general comment, try saying, ‘I noticed you put all the markers back in the correct order, thank you for being so organised’. This approach ties your praise directly to observable behaviour, making it more meaningful and impactful. 

Rotate Attention Mindfully 

Create a habit of deliberate and equitable recognition. Make a conscious effort to rotate your attention so that each child regularly hears affirming words about something they have done well. This can be managed informally, such as through a daily or weekly ‘family highlight’ where everyone shares a positive action and you acknowledge each one. This practice ensures no child feels consistently overlooked and reinforces that everyone is valued. 

Avoid Direct Comparisons 

Never use statements that pit children against one another, such as, ‘Why can you not be organised like your sibling?’ Such comparisons often breed resentment and insecurity rather than motivation. Instead, focus on each child’s individual effort and progress, reinforcing that every contribution matters. When you model equitable attention, you also teach siblings to appreciate one another’s efforts, which reduces competition for parental approval. 

Link Praise with Encouragement 

Connect your recognition to gentle encouragement for future growth. For example, you might say, ‘You folded the laundry so neatly; now let us see if we can work together to finish it even quicker next time’. This technique balances sincere appreciation with a focus on development, fostering intrinsic motivation without triggering feelings of jealousy or inadequacy among siblings. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam calls upon believers to uphold justice and fairness in every aspect of life, including within the family dynamic. This principle is not merely a legal concept but a spiritual and ethical guideline for creating a harmonious home. 

Justice Within the Family Home 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This divine command extends beyond formal judgments and into the everyday interactions within a family. Just as justice requires giving everyone their rightful due, fairness in praise means acknowledging each child’s effort without bias. When parents consciously notice and affirm every child’s unique strength, they mirror this divine principle of equity. This approach teaches children that fairness is not about identical treatment but about honouring the distinct value each person brings. It also prevents the seeds of envy from growing, nurturing a household grounded in mutual trust and respect. 

The Prophetic Emphasis on Fairness 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1329, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Judgment and the closest to Him will be the just leader and the just person among people.’ 

This hadith highlights the great virtue of fairness, not only in public leadership but in every role of responsibility, including parenthood. A parent’s fairness in words and affection is a powerful form of leadership that shapes the hearts of their children. When children witness equity in how praise is shared, they internalise that Allah Almighty loves justice, not favouritism. Every balanced compliment becomes an act of worship and a quiet reflection of divine principles within the family. By embodying justice in praise, parents build more than confidence; they build faith.