How do I respond when my child mimics my harshness with siblings? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child mimics your harshness toward their siblings, it can be a moment of self-reflection. They are likely absorbing and mirroring the emotional tone they experience at home. This behaviour does not necessarily mean your child is intentionally being disrespectful, but rather that they are learning from their environment. It is crucial to understand that children often model emotional expressions they have witnessed, whether positive or negative. If harshness is part of the family dynamic, a child may see it as a valid response to conflict. 

The first step is to recognise your own role in setting the emotional tone. How you interact with your children during times of stress can become their default response when they feel frustrated. After acknowledging this, redirect the behaviour calmly without severe reprimands. Instead of harsh discipline, show them an alternative. You might say, ‘I noticed you spoke to your sibling in the same way I did earlier. Let us try a different way to handle this’. Offering gentle guidance reinforces the idea that kindness is more powerful than anger. 

Shifting the Approach to Conflict 

• Role-play together: Engage in a calm, reflective conversation with your child about how they might have felt during the exchange with their sibling and then help them rehearse a better response. 

• Focus on emotional vocabulary: Teach your child to label their feelings and express frustration with words rather than actions. For example, ‘I feel upset, but I will calm down before I speak’. 

By calmly modelling compassionate conflict resolution, you help your child reframe their behaviour and move away from harshness. This shift teaches emotional maturity, promotes empathy, and models positive interaction, all of which foster a kinder family dynamic. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, kindness and mercy are foundational principles in relationships. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has shown us the importance of responding to frustration with patience, empathy, and wisdom. Harshness, while sometimes born out of stress, is not the ideal model for conflict resolution. Instead, gentleness is emphasised as a trait to cultivate in both words and actions. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verses 199: 

‘(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions, and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.‘ 

This verse reminds us to be gentle and patient when faced with challenging behaviour. When your child mimics harshness, remind them that the right approach is to respond with kindness and calmness, even in frustration. By embodying this in your own actions, you are modelling divine wisdom that strengthens family bonds and fosters peace. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 371, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy, will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith emphasises the importance of mercy and kindness in all our interactions. When children see their parents respond with gentleness, they are likely to reflect those same qualities. Therefore, responding to harshness with warmth, patience, and clear boundaries will guide them towards more respectful and peaceful interactions with their siblings. Ultimately, Islam teaches that gentleness heals, while harshness harms both the self and relationships.