How do I praise good deeds in a way that nurtures sincerity, not showing off? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children thrive on recognition, yet praise must be handled carefully to avoid feeding pride instead of nurturing humility. The goal is to make a child feel appreciated for their good actions while connecting that goodness to a sincere and humble intention. 

Balance Praise with Humility 

To foster sincerity, praise should be simple, warm, and meaningful rather than performative. Avoid praising in front of large groups or exaggerating a child’s actions. Instead, focus on the meaning and effort behind their deed. This understated approach helps a child value the act itself, not the public recognition it might attract. 

Focus on Effort and Intention 

Highlight the why behind the action, not just the what. For example, if your child helps a sibling, you could say, ‘It was so kind of you to share with your brother; that really made him feel happy’. This method validates the child’s positive intention and character. Private praise is particularly effective, as it teaches a child that goodness is valued even when no one else is watching. 

Encourage Internal Motivation 

Pair your praise with gentle, reflective questions. You could ask, ‘How did it feel inside to be helpful just now?’ or ‘What do you think Allah loves most about what you did?’ These prompts shift the focus from external applause to internal satisfaction and a connection with God. Over time, children learn to associate good deeds with inner fulfilment and the pleasure of Allah, rather than with seeking validation from others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a beautiful emphasis on sincerity, teaching that the purest deeds are those done for the sake of Allah alone, without any expectation of reward or recognition from others. 

The Value of Hidden Deeds 

The Quran praises those who give selflessly, seeking nothing in return but the pleasure of their Lord. This is the highest standard of sincerity we can teach our children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), Verses 8-9: 

‘And donate food, despite their own desire for nourishment, to the needy and the orphans and those held in captivity. Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.‘ 

Prophetic Warning Against Showing Off 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ explicitly warned against performing good deeds for the sake of being seen by others, as this corrupts the intention and nullifies the reward. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4207, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever shows off, Allah will expose him, and whoever makes a show of his deeds, Allah will make a show of him.’ 

By gently sharing this wisdom, parents can guide their children to value sincerity over praise. When our recognition highlights a child’s effort, intention, and desire to please Allah, it strengthens both their humility and their motivation to do good for its own sake.