What Should I Do When My Child Is Shy About Greeting Elders? 

Parenting Perspective 

Shyness around elders is a common reaction that often stems from a child’s uncertainty, fear of making a mistake, or feeling overwhelmed by social expectations. The key is to manage their anxiety by substituting pressure with patience and practical tools. 

Acknowledge and Validate Emotions 

Begin by validating your child’s feelings rather than dismissing them. Use British English, non-confrontational phrasing: “I understand you feel shy; it is alright to feel nervous when meeting new people or elders. That feeling actually shows you care about being polite.” Validating their emotion immediately reduces the pressure and replaces criticism with empathy. 

Model Gentle Greetings 

Children learn social cues primarily through observation. Parents must regularly and confidently demonstrate the desired behaviour. 

• Narrate your actions quietly: When you greet someone, you can whisper to your child, “See how I greet the elder? ‘Assalamu Alaikum,’ eye contact, and a smile are enough.” 

• Keep it Simple: Modelling shows the child that genuine politeness does not require grand or loud gestures. A soft, clear greeting is sufficient, which reduces their anxiety about performing perfectly. 

Practice at Home 

Create a safe, low-pressure environment for rehearsal. 

• Role-play with immediate family members, allowing your child to practise a handshake, a verbal greeting like “Assalamu Alaikum,” or even just a nod and a smile. 

• Praise effort over perfection: Offer specific praise for their attempts: “You said ‘Assalamu Alaikum’ so clearly, even though it was quiet. That was excellent manners.” Small, repeated successes gradually build genuine social confidence. 

Encourage Gradual Exposure 

Start small to build competence before tackling large social settings. 

• Start with familiar elders or close relatives in low-pressure settings, such as a quick visit. 

• Gradually introduce new or larger groups only when your child shows comfort. Pair constant encouragement with patience, highlighting that respect is conveyed through intention and consistency, not forced performance. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, a greeting is far more than mere social etiquette; it is an expression of faith and a prayer of peace. Helping a child overcome shyness in this context means nurturing a habit that intertwines good manners (Akhlaaq) with spirituality. 

Respect as a Reflection of Faith 

The act of saying “Assalamu Alaikum” is a beautiful custom, as it means “Peace be upon you.” This transforms the interaction from a social chore into a sincere prayer of goodwill. It is important for parents to teach that politeness in Islam is rooted in sincerity, not outward performance. Even a quiet greeting, when sincere, holds immense value in the sight of Allah Almighty. 

The Quranic Foundation of Kindness and Respect 

The worship of Allah Almighty is inextricably linked with kindness towards His creation. Greeting elders respectfully is a beautiful way for a child to practise this spiritual directive. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 36: 

‘And worship Allah (Almighty) only, and do not ascribe to anything instead of Him (Allah Almighty); (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism); and with parents (proceed with them favourably), and with close relatives and friends and impoverished (people); and your neighbour that is close to your neighbourhood, and the neighbour that is remote from you; and the companion by your side and the traveller and those (women) that are legally bound to you…’ 

By learning to greet elders with humility, the child is acting upon this verse, practising kindness, humility, and awareness of others. It is a gentle, practical introduction to the fundamental lesson that respect and compassion are inseparable parts of a believer’s faith. 

The Prophetic Example of Honour and Mercy 

The moral fabric of the Muslim community is built on mutual respect and mercy, as clearly outlined by the Prophet ﷺ. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’ 

Helping your child understand this principle instils the idea that greeting elders is not about formality but about honouring those who came before us. When parents model soft-spoken, kind greetings themselves, they demonstrate that true respect is often quiet, graceful, and full of love, aligning their child’s actions with the core values of the Prophetic model. Every sincere attempt, no matter how shy, trains the child to associate greeting elders with connection, gratitude, and blessing, not anxiety.