How do I handle ‘you made me angry’ as the reason for hitting? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child declares, ‘you made me angry’, it often reveals a confusion between an emotion and the subsequent action. While the feeling of anger may arise naturally, the choice of how to act upon it is always a personal decision. It is important to begin by validating their emotion by saying, ‘I can see that you felt very angry.’ This should be followed immediately with a clear boundary: ‘But hitting is not how we handle our anger.’ This dual response teaches compassion without surrendering parental authority. It assures your child that you understand their frustration while firmly separating their internal feelings from their outward behaviour. 

Guide Accountability with Calm Leadership 

Children often lash out when their emotions feel bigger than their ability to cope. Your role is to be a calming presence, not to escalate the situation. Maintain a steady tone of voice, keep your body language relaxed, and speak in a measured way. Instead of demanding an explanation, which can lead to defensiveness, invite reflection with questions like, ‘What were you hoping would happen when you hit?’ or ‘What could you do next time you feel that angry?’ These questions shift the focus from blame to learning. Over time, this approach helps your child understand that responsibility means owning both the emotion and the action, not transferring fault to others. 

Teach Emotional Regulation and Repair 

Once calm has been restored, it is important to guide your child through a repair sequence that reinforces empathy and personal growth. Encourage them to check on the person who was hurt, offer a sincere apology, and perform a small act of kindness to restore peace. Afterwards, you can help them recognise the early signals of anger, such as tightened fists, a loud voice, or fast breathing, and practise a calming response together. A simple phrase like, ‘I am feeling angry, and I need a moment’, can empower them to pause before causing harm. Rehearsing this during peaceful moments will make it more accessible during times of tension. 

Model Respectful Emotional Management 

Your own example is the most powerful teacher in your child’s life. When you feel irritated or frustrated, verbalise your own process by saying something like, ‘I am feeling upset, so I am going to take a breath before I speak.’ This demonstrates that adults also experience strong emotions but can remain in control of their actions. When your child sees that anger can be managed without hurting others, they learn that true strength lies not in immediate reaction but in thoughtful restraint. Through consistency, your home becomes a training ground for self-regulation, empathy, and moral courage. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 15: 

‘Whoever (follows the pathway of righteous) guidance, then indeed, he has found that guidance for his personal benefit; and whoever (follows the) erroneous (pathway)…’ 

This verse captures the essence of personal accountability. It teaches that no one else can be blamed for our moral choices. When your child blames another person for their hitting, you can remind them that while our feelings can be triggered by others, our actions are always our own. You can say gently, ‘We cannot control how other people act, but we can always control what we choose to do.’ Connecting this simple truth to the verse helps them to understand that self-control is not just a matter of discipline, but an act of obedience to Allah Almighty’s command for personal responsibility. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This Hadith powerfully redefines strength as mastery over the self. When you share this with your child, it reframes a moment of anger from a personal failure into an opportunity for heroic self-control. Teach them that real courage means calming the heart rather than striking out with the hands. After an angry incident has been resolved, you can say, ‘You showed strength when you stopped and thought. That is how the Prophet ﷺ described a strong believer.’ This gentle reminder turns every act of restraint into a spiritual victory, aligning the challenge of emotional discipline with the core of their faith. By addressing anger with empathy, structure, and spiritual meaning, you teach your child the lifelong art of responsibility.