What helps when my child stays silent after using my things without asking? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child uses your belongings without permission and then remains silent, it often signals anxiety or shame rather than defiance. Children may worry that speaking will only lead to more trouble, so they retreat into silence as a form of protection. Your aim is to make honesty and seeking permission feel safer than staying quiet. Approach this as an opportunity for training in trust, not as a courtroom interrogation. 

Address the Issue Gently 

Use soft, factual language that helps to lower the child’s fear. You could say, ‘I noticed my charger was taken and not returned. When that happens, I feel stuck. Next time, please ask first’. Then, you can offer a simple bridge to practise the correct behaviour: ‘Would you like to try asking me now, so we can see how it works?’ This teaches them that seeking permission is an everyday habit, not a dramatic confession. 

Establish a ‘Borrow and Return’ Ritual 

Create a simple script and a clear rule for returning items. The process should have two steps. Step one is to ask: ‘May I please borrow your pen for my homework until 6 p.m.?’ Step two is to return the item to its proper place and say, ‘Thank you for letting me borrow this’. You could even post a small ‘Borrow and Return’ reminder card near commonly shared items. This routine transforms abstract morals into repeatable behaviour and provides the child with the right words to use when anxiety might otherwise leave them silent. 

Implement Fair Consequences and Repair 

When something is used without permission, it requires a proportionate repair. This could involve tidying the drawer where the item was found, recharging a device, replacing lost staples, or wiping a screen clean. Keep consequences predictable, calm, and directly tied to restoring your convenience. Follow up with warmth and encouragement: ‘Thank you for making it right. I trust you are learning to ask first’. 

Create Clear Rules for Access 

Make the process of asking for permission easy and straightforward. You could create a ‘family shelf’ for items that are always shareable and a ‘personal shelf’ for belongings that require explicit permission to use. Label these areas together. You can also invite your child to set a boundary for one of their own items, so they can experience how asking for permission protects one’s dignity. When they see their own rules being respected, they are more likely to respect yours. 

The more you pair gentle truth-telling with practical systems, the less your child will need to rely on silence. Over time, asking first will become a part of their identity as they grow into considerate, organised, and trustworthy individuals. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, other people’s belongings are considered an amanah, or a sacred trust. Using them without consent is a violation of that trust, even if the item itself remains undamaged. We can raise God-conscious children by linking the everyday act of borrowing to the principles of justice and good manners before Allah Almighty. Seeking permission is not a mere formality; it is an act of reverence for another person’s rights. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants…’ 

This verse teaches an ethic of respect that extends beyond doorways to include personal property. We do not cross into another person’s space or use their things without permission, because respecting boundaries is what preserves love and harmony. When you coach your child to ask first and return items carefully, you are practising the essence of this verse at home in a way that a child can understand. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1741, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No doubt, your blood and your properties are sacred to one another like the sanctity of this day of yours, in this month of yours, in this town of yours’ 

This powerful hadith places another person’s property within the sacred circle of what must be honoured. Share this meaning with your child in simple terms: ‘Your things and my things are sacred trusts. We must ask before we use them, handle them carefully, and return them as promised’. You can then point back to your family’s ‘borrow and return’ ritual. By practising this, they are not only being polite; they are becoming people of amanah (trust) and ’adl (justice), whose respect for others is an act of worship. In these small moments, a quiet child learns that speaking up to seek consent brings peace with people and the pleasure of Allah Almighty.