What clues show my child is masking at school and unraveling at home? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child maintains composure at school but becomes irritable or oppositional at home, they are often releasing suppressed stress from their day. Parents can feel confused, wondering why their child is ‘fine’ for their teacher but ‘explodes’ at home. It is crucial to recognise that this is not defiance, but an emotional rebound happening in the one place they feel safe enough to let go. 

Watch for Behavioural Contrasts 

The most obvious clue is the stark discrepancy in their behaviour. They may be described as calm and obedient at school but are withdrawn, argumentative, or clingy as soon as they get home. Acknowledging this pattern can open a conversation. You might say, ‘I hear you had a great day at school, but it seems like things feel harder for you at home. Let us talk about that’. 

Listen Beyond Words 

Children who mask their feelings often cannot verbalise their anxiety. Instead, pay attention to subtle, non-verbal signs. These can include sudden irritability over minor requests, unusual fatigue, or physical complaints like headaches and stomach aches that appear after school. These are often indicators of accumulated stress from holding it all together throughout the day. 

Create a Safe Space for Emotional Release 

Provide structured, calm opportunities for your child to decompress after school. This does not have to be a deep conversation; it can be quiet time, a creative activity, or physical play. These outlets allow them to process their stress without judgment or punishment. This reinforces that home is a place of support, which helps reduce the intensity of the after-school unraveling. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the importance of nurturing emotional honesty and offering a safe environment for children to express their true feelings. Patience and gentle guidance at home reflect the prophetic model of care and mercy. 

Lower the Wing of Humility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 24: 

‘And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”.‘ 

This verse reminds parents to approach their children with compassion, especially when they are struggling. Recognising that your child’s difficult behaviour is a sign of distress, not disrespect, allows you to respond with the mercy and humility that this verse encourages. 

Love for Others What You Love for Yourself 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2515, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will have faith until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

Just as we love to have a safe space to be ourselves and release our stress, our children need the same. By recognising their masked anxiety and providing an empathetic and supportive home, parents are putting this hadith into practice. This cultivates trust and emotional resilience, creating a secure foundation for a child to grow.