When is joint praise useful and when should it be separate? 

Parenting Perspective 

Knowing when to praise your children together and when to praise them separately is key to nurturing both family unity and each child’s individual self-worth. Both approaches have a distinct and important role in creating a balanced and supportive home. 

When to Use Joint Praise: Celebrating Teamwork 

Joint praise is most effective when your children have achieved something together. This could be anything from completing a shared chore to cooperating on a project or supporting each other through a challenge. Praising their joint effort reinforces the value of family collaboration and teaches them that success can be a shared accomplishment, fostering harmony between siblings. 

When to Use Separate Praise: Valuing Individual Effort 

Separate praise is essential for recognising a child’s unique qualities, such as their persistence, creativity, kindness, or self-discipline. Acknowledging these personal efforts individually ensures that each child feels seen and valued for who they are. Without this specific recognition, a child who tried harder might feel their effort was overlooked, while another who overcame a private struggle may feel their progress went unnoticed. 

An excellent strategy is to combine both: start with praise for the group’s success, and then follow up with a quiet, specific word of recognition for each child’s personal contribution. This thoughtful balance nurtures both teamwork and individual confidence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great emphasis on justice and fairness, principles that extend deeply into the dynamics of family life. The way parents acknowledge their children is a direct application of this core value. 

The Divine Command for Justice 

Fairness must guide all parental dealings, ensuring that no child feels consistently favoured or overlooked. This balance is a cornerstone of an Islamic household. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse affirms that justice is a divine command that should shape all our interactions, including the careful and considerate words we use with our children. 

Prophetic Guidance on Equitable Treatment 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ provide a clear model for treating children with equity and care. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just between your children in giving gifts, as you would like them to be just with you in kindness.’ 

The wisdom of this teaching extends beyond material gifts to all forms of interaction, including words of affirmation. Applying this principle allows parents to maintain justice while honouring both teamwork and individual worth, ensuring the home reflects the balance and fairness that Islam commands.