What should I do when a sibling copies good behaviour just for the reward? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child imitates a sibling’s good behaviour purely to receive a reward, it can appear insincere. However, this is often an encouraging and normal stage of development. It demonstrates that the child is observant, understands what is valued within the family, and is attempting to participate. Children frequently begin their moral journey with external motivators before they internalise these values. This mimicry is a steppingstone towards genuine maturity, not a setback. 

A Positive Step in Development 

Viewing this imitation as a positive starting point is crucial. The child is learning to associate certain actions with positive outcomes. Your role is to gently guide this association from a desire for tangible rewards to an appreciation for the intrinsic value of the behaviour itself. This initial, reward-driven stage is a foundational layer upon which more sincere motivations can be built over time. 

Focus Praise on the Action, Not the Prize 

Instead of highlighting the reward, direct your praise towards the effort made or the positive impact of the action. For example, saying, ‘I truly appreciate how you helped clear the table; it made our family time much calmer for everyone,’ helps the child recognise that their behaviour has inherent meaning. This approach gradually shifts their focus from material gains to the moral and emotional satisfaction that comes from doing good. 

Nurture Cooperation Over Competition 

To further reduce rivalry, you can introduce collective goals where both siblings earn a privilege through cooperation. This fosters a sense of unity and teamwork. As children mature, these external rewards can be slowly phased out and replaced with greater responsibility, trust, and heartfelt verbal encouragement. In time, they will learn that goodness is worthwhile because it reflects who they are, not simply because of what they might receive for it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises that consistent outward actions, even if initially motivated by reward, can be a powerful means of training the soul towards sincerity. Repeated good deeds establish positive habits, and these habits in turn help to nurture a righteous character. A child who begins by copying others for a prize can, with patient guidance, grow into an individual who chooses goodness for the sake of Allah Almighty alone. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 84: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Each person acts according to their own temperament, so your Sustainer is fully aware as to who is the one, who (has chosen to be on) the rightly guided pathways”.’ 

This verse reminds us that while people act from various motives, Allah Almighty is aware of every heart. It is a source of comfort for parents, assuring them that He ultimately guides developing souls towards righteousness as they mature and learn. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4138, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Glad tidings to the one who is guided to Islam, and whose provision is sufficient, and he is content with it.’ 

This Hadith highlights that true success and happiness are found not in endlessly chasing worldly rewards, but in finding deep contentment and sincere alignment with one’s faith. By gently encouraging your child, you help turn simple copying into consistent practice, and that practice can blossom into genuine intention. With patience, love, and faith, what starts as reward-seeking behaviour will transform into sincere actions performed for Allah Almighty, strengthening both their character and their spiritual connection.