How do I keep siblings’ charts fair when their abilities are different? 

Parenting Perspective 

When using charts for multiple children, fairness does not mean identical expectations. True fairness lies in tailoring goals to each child’s unique developmental stage and capacity, ensuring that both feel equally seen, valued, and encouraged. 

Focus on Individual Growth, Not Comparison 

For siblings of different ages or abilities, charts must be customised. A younger child’s chart might focus on foundational habits like tidying up toys, while an older child could involve completing homework independently. This approach focuses on individual growth, allowing each child to experience success and build confidence according to their personal capabilities, which prevents unhealthy comparison. 

Define Success by Effort, Not Perfection 

Fairness should be measured by acknowledging sincere effort, not by demanding equal results. A younger child may require more reminders to complete a task, while an older sibling may be ready for greater responsibilities. By celebrating persistence and a positive attitude over flawless performance, you create an environment where both children feel that their hard work is appreciated and valued. 

Prevent Sibling Rivalry Through Privacy 

To minimise competition and potential rivalry, it is wise to keep each child’s chart a personal matter. You can display them in separate spaces, such as in their own bedrooms, or use distinctly different formats. This encourages children to focus on their own progress rather than comparing their performance with their siblings’. While progress should be a personal journey, achievements can still be celebrated together as a family. 

Balance Recognition Across the Family 

Ensure that praise, encouragement, and connection-based rewards are distributed equitably. Shared activities, loving words, and quality time should be given freely to all children, regardless of their differing goals or achievements on a chart. When both children feel secure in their value and place within the family, feelings of jealousy are less likely to arise, and the bond of sibling unity is strengthened. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, justice (adl) is a cornerstone of faith and family life. It does not mean treating everyone the same but rather giving everyone what they are rightfully due based on their needs, rights, and abilities. 

Justice Means Giving Each Their Due 

Parents are commanded to be just with their children, a duty that includes recognising their unique capacities and challenges. Adjusting expectations to suit each child is a direct application of the Quranic principle of balance and equity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction…’ 

This verse establishes justice as a foundational command from Allah. By practising this form of tailored fairness at home, you teach your children that true justice is not about identical treatment but about applying equity, wisdom, and compassion. 

Nurture Love Without Jealousy 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ strongly emphasised the importance of fairness between children to prevent feelings of resentment or jealousy, which can damage family bonds. Treating children justly is a command that protects their hearts and nurtures love. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 94, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just among your children.’ 

This profound guidance underscores the seriousness of impartial treatment in parenting. By ensuring each child’s chart is thoughtfully adapted to their ability, you reflect this prophetic wisdom. In doing so, you prevent feelings of neglect, nurture love between your children, and establish justice as a living, breathing value in your home.