How do I avoid creating pressure by praising my child as “the smart one”? 

Parenting Perspective 

Praising your child as ‘the smart one’ can feel natural, particularly when your goal is to build their confidence. However, while well-intentioned, such labels can unintentionally create pressure. Children who are repeatedly told they are ‘smart’ may begin to fear mistakes, avoid challenges, or believe that love and approval are conditional on always being right. It is more beneficial to focus on specific behaviours, effort, and problem-solving strategies rather than on fixed identity labels. 

Replace Labels with Action-Based Praise 

Focus on highlighting what your child did, not who you are labelling them to be. For instance: 

• ‘You worked so hard to solve that problem.’ 

• ‘I like how you tried different ways until you found the solution.’ 

• ‘You remembered all the steps carefully; that shows great focus.’ 

This method teaches your child that success comes from perseverance and strategy, not from a fixed personal trait. 

Build Resilience Through Balanced Feedback 

Children benefit greatly from understanding that making mistakes is a natural part of learning. If they struggle, you can offer encouragement by saying, ‘I appreciate that you kept going even when it became difficult.’ This reassures them that they are valued for their effort and growth, not just for their achievements. By shifting your praise in this way, you help your child develop resilience, curiosity, and the courage to try new things without a fear of failure. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true worth lies not in labels but in sincerity, effort, and the pursuit of righteous deeds. When praise is offered in a way that nurtures humility and perseverance, it helps keep a child’s heart aligned with what Allah Almighty values most. 

The Quranic Emphasis on Effort 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39–40: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken; and indeed, whatever he has undertaken, you shall very soon observe it.‘ 

This verse powerfully emphasises that it is our effort and striving that carries weight before Allah Almighty, not worldly titles or superficial praise. Parents can echo this divine wisdom by affirming their child’s hard work rather than simply labelling their intelligence. 

The Prophetic Warning Against Excessive Praise 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2393, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Throw dust on the faces of those who praise excessively.’ 

This hadith serves as a caution against excessive praise that can inflate pride or create undue pressure. For a child, being frequently labelled ‘the smart one’ carries the risk of building arrogance or anxiety. By instead acknowledging their effort, patience, or perseverance, you guide them towards humility and remind them that true success is measured by faith and the sincere desire to please Allah Almighty.