How can I praise my child to encourage effort, not just seek approval? 

Parenting Perspective 

Effective praise helps children develop a love for learning and persistence, rather than simply a desire for approval. When encouragement is thoughtful and well-directed, it nurtures internal motivation, teaching a child to find satisfaction in the process of trying, learning, and overcoming challenges. This approach builds resilience and a healthy relationship with achievement. 

Focus on Effort, Not Just Results 

Children require recognition, but if praise is tied only to the final outcome, they may begin to chase approval instead of developing perseverance. By praising their effort and strategies, you help them value the journey of learning. This shifts their focus from performing for others to achieving a personal victory. For instance, saying, ‘I noticed how you kept trying different ways to solve that problem until it worked,’ celebrates their persistence and problem-solving skills. 

Offer Specific and Sincere Feedback 

Generic praise such as ‘good job’ can often feel empty and unconvincing. To make your encouragement meaningful, highlight the specific details you observed. You might say, ‘I saw how you took your time to carefully draw that part, even when it became tricky.’ When praise is specific, children feel genuinely seen and understood, which is far more motivating. This kind of balanced and sincere recognition prevents an over-reliance on external validation and nurtures self-driven growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the intention behind an action is paramount. Praise can be a powerful tool to connect a child’s efforts with a higher purpose: seeking the pleasure of Allah Almighty. This spiritual framing helps them understand that true success lies in sincerity and consistency, not in public acclaim. 

Nurturing Sincerity (Ikhlas) for Allah 

Islam places great emphasis on sincerity (ikhlas), which means performing good deeds purely for the sake of Allah, not for the applause of others. Parents can reflect this principle by praising character traits like patience, honesty, and determination, reminding children that these qualities are beloved to Allah. This helps shift their motivation from impressing people to pleasing their Creator. The Quran reminds us that every effort is seen and valued by Him. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39-40: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken; and indeed, whatever he has undertaken, you shall very soon observe it.‘ 

This highlights that consistent and sincere effort is what truly matters. By praising persistence, we teach children a valuable spiritual lesson found in the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah 4237, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if it is small.’ 

When children are consistently praised for their sincere efforts, they grow into resilient and principled individuals who strive for Allah’s pleasure above all else.