How do I make sure rewards do not overshadow the value of good behaviour itself?  

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common concern that children might focus more on a reward than on the intrinsic satisfaction of doing the right thing. To prevent rewards from overshadowing the value of good behaviour, it is best to emphasise praise and recognition over material incentives. Rather than consistently offering a toy, a treat, or extra screen time, focus on identifying the positive behaviour and connecting it to core values: ‘I am proud of how kind you were to your brother; that shows great patience.’ This approach helps the child feel valued by the person they are becoming, not just for what they have done to earn a reward. Rewards should remain occasional and secondary; a tool to encourage effort in specific areas, not the primary motivation for good conduct. 

Another effective approach is to vary the way you celebrate positive behaviour. This could be a hug, a word of appreciation, or simply spending extra quality time together. This diversity sends a clear message that the true reward is the warmth of family connection and the personal pride that comes from doing the right thing. It is also beneficial to involve your child in reflecting on their own actions. You could ask, ‘How did it feel to be helpful today?’ When they learn to articulate that sense of peace or happiness, they begin to recognise inner satisfaction as the most enduring reward. Over time, this balanced approach helps them internalise good behaviour as a personal value, with external rewards serving merely as supportive encouragement. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages us to perform good deeds for the sake of Allah Almighty, rather than for worldly returns.¹ Parents can nurture this by reminding children that kindness, honesty, and patience are forms of worship, even when no one else notices. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verses 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This verse highlights that the true reward comes from Allah Almighty, and His companionship is greater than any material benefit. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4237, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved deeds to Allah are those done consistently, even if they are small.’ 

This teaching helps children understand that consistent good behaviour is precious to Allah Almighty, irrespective of whether they receive a worldly prize. By linking good actions to the pleasure of Allah and the development of their character, you guide them to find joy in the act of doing good itself. Rewards then remain a useful tool but never the ultimate purpose, thereby protecting the purity of your child’s intention and the spiritual value of their deeds.